Getting Ready For Battle

ready_for_battle

Things have all gone a bit radio rental
On other words my life is fucking mental
I have split up from my wife
Moved out of my house
Left behind all forms of security
I have two options before me
One takes effort but no great strain
The other is to try to get up
And walk the boards again
An hour a day at the Edinburgh Festival
Is a challenge to seasoned professionals
However I am an amatuer
Without much of a clue
How to make people laugh
With a clever use of a minor facial cue
Oh, and I don’t have a script
That I am in any way happy with
Sure I have some old shit
But I choose not to be
A caricature of myself
I have some material I wrote
About this time last year
When I had two months to prepare
For my Edinburgh Show
When I realised my old material sucked
And I wrote some new stuff out of fear
But I didn’t have the time
To get it down pat
So the old stuff plugged the leaks
For the full three weeks flat
But now I will try to revive that new shit
To see if I can make it funny
Or at least hold the audience’s attention
So at the end I don’t have a cheek
For asking them for a donation of money
‘That is another problem’ he moans
My budget is tighter
Tthan the spaces between
The great pyramid stones
So I have one week
In my new cupboard hotel room
To polish a turd
Into a sparkiling diamond
One that will enthrall and delight
And will set my life straight
Cause if I don’t succeed in this challenge
Then destiny will just have to wait
And I will return to my life of old
With far less money than when I began this road
Wish me luck as I could easy cave in
But my soul is as brave as a hat made from tin
You got to rise to the challenges
That you give yourself
To do otherwise would to be cowardly
Or maybe that would be a sign of mental health
I just refuse to be normal
I can’t be one of the crowd
I can’t go to my grave
Without going there loud
What is the point of being a shy wall flower
When your name could be in chalk
For an hour a day
On a board no-one reads
In a pub too far out of the way
Where you can face up to your demons
And show them what you are made of
And if living persons don’t come
At least you will have an audience
So that is my plan
To take it all the way
Even though I am as prepared for battle
As the Italian Army on a hot summers day

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