Dodgy Crowd

A'll noo hear a bad wurd against them

Ma wife has thrown me oot the hoose
She said she needed a break
She claims that she still loves me
But a’ give her a fuckin’ headache

So a’ve gotten in wi’ a dodgy crowd
A’ should really break aw ties
But it’s very hard tae dae
As a’m addicted tae their mince pies

Yep, it’s the Salvation Army
That is where it’s at
They gie ye free food an’ shelter
Wi’ nae fear ae goin’ intae combat

A’ cannae afford a place ae ma own
An’ a’ kin live there fur free
They tuck me in wi’ a blanket
An’ wake me up wi’ a cup ae tea

Their centre is pure quality
A’ cannae speak high enough ae it
Ok, ok, so it’s got its doonside
What, wi’ aw that religious shit

But a’ve grown tae love singin’ Hymn’s
The Christian Songbook is a riot
An’ the more songs a’ sing oot it
Improves the portions ae ma diet

Anytime ae the day or nicht
We’re encouraged tae sing
So a’ tried tae sing some Devil’s music
But they shoved a poker up ma ring

They then insisted a’ got baptized
So a’ sold ma soul tae stay in their pad
They said Jesus would save me now
A’ said “Aye? Well, that’ll make Satan glad”

So noo a’ preach the wurd ae God
Tae any hungry desperado
If a’ manage tae convert them
A’ get an avocado

A’ dinnae ken if a’ like the new me
Or if a’ prefer the auld
But a’ll do fuckin’ anythin’
Tae get inside fae the cauld

A’ wish ma wife would let me
Back intae oor hoose
But she said first a’ hiv tae get a grip
On ma drink and drug abuse

A’ wonder how she’ll like it
When a turn up Born Again
A’ve got a feeling she’ll demand
A’ get back on the cocaine

born-again

Billy’s Version

My wife has thrown me out the house
She said she needed a break
She claims that she still loves me
But I give her a fucking headache

So I’ve gotten in with a dodgy crowd
I should really break all ties
But it’s very hard to do
As I’m addicted to their mince pies

Yep, it’s the Salvation Army
That is where it’s at
They give you free food and shelter
With no fear of going into combat

I can’t afford a place of my own
And I can live there for free
They tuck me in with a blanket
And wake me up with a cup of tea

Their centre is pure quality
I can’t speak high enough of it
Ok, ok, so it’s got its downside
What, with all that religious shit

But I’ve grown to love singing Hymn’s
The Christian Songbook is a riot
And the more songs I sing from it
Improves the portions of my diet

Anytime of the day or night
We’re encouraged to sing
So I tried to sing some Devil’s music
But they shoved a poker up my ring

They then insisted I got baptized
So I sold my soul to stay in their pad
They said Jesus would save me now
A’ said “Aye? Well, that’ll make Satan glad”

So now I preach the word of God
To any hungry desperado
If I manage to convert them
I get an avocado

I don’t know if I like the new me
Or if I prefer the old
But I’ll do fucking anything
To get inside from the cold

I wish my wife would let me
Back into our house
But she said first a’ have to get a grip
On my drink and drug abuse

I wonder how she’ll like it
When I turn up born again
I’ve got a feeling she’ll demand
I get back on the cocaine

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