Hisarönü Trip 2016

Just to recap, I lived in Antalya from 2006 until October 2013 when I decided to go back to Scotland to start a new life there as things weren’t going to well in Turkey at that point.

I was living with my Mother and Step-Father in Scotland and got a job in a food factory which didn’t exactly hit all the nails on my dream job ambitions. While I was there though I got back into performing comedy on the open spot circuit of the clubs in Scotland and was doing reasonably well considering I had been out the game for quite some time.

I did have the chance to get full time employment in the factory but the wages wouldn’t have allowed me to get any change out of a one bed apartment and bills and I didn’t consider that a fair trade off for spending 40 hours a week in that shithole.

It did allow me to save up some money though which I used to visit my son, who I had left with my ex-wife, about 8 months later and decided that I he probably needs a father in his life and I couldn’t support him in Scotland so I had to come back to Antalya and forego my comedy ambitions again for the sake of fatherhood. At least for 6 years anyway, until he was old enough to get a job.

I did perform one gig to some ex-pat friends on my birthday after I returned and a gig at a Hotel in Marmaris last year but apart from that I hadn’t seen any stage action for about 2 years and was missing badly.

So I decided that if I can’t go to the UK to perform then I should at least go to a holiday resort with British people and see if I can get back into it. I put the word out and a fellow Watson called Fiona who I had met as Nob Stewart in Hisaronu in 2011 recommended a place to me.

I contacted them and told them that I want to perform comedy and gave them links to this and Nob’s websites. They said I could come and that it was ok to bring Aynur and Ellis with me as they would provide a room and food. All I needed to do was perform and if I could get some more customers in the door I could get a little extra dosh on the side. Sounded great.


They were well informed of when we would be arriving and said everything would be ready. Of course, when we got there nothing was ready. We were put into a hotel for a night while one of the staff had to vacate a room to make room for us 3 to share it.

The Hotel they put us in was quite nice although it was the first time I have experienced a hotel with separate swimming pools for the sexes as it had recently been taken over and was one of the new kind of Muslim Hotels which are becoming popular in Turkey these days, probably due to Erdoğan’s religious leanings.

We went back to the Bar the next day and the room was ‘ready’. I did think they could have at least gave us clean linen and perhaps fixed the leaky toilet. I did mention that to them a few times while we stayed there but I guess there must be a shortage of spanners in Hisaronu.

The bar itself was a nice place and I was told that I should organise games and do things to make the bar money for which I would get a cut.


This wasn’t what I had came for exactly but beggars can’t be choosers and I thought I would see how it goes for a while and once I get acquainted with the surroundings perhaps I could set up a comedy gig or two in the future.

On my first night there I met these two ladies from Liverpool who were very nice and encouraged me to get a game of Play Your Cards Right organised as it is great fun. I didn’t mind having a go at being a game show host, it’s always another string to the bow although I have done Bingo in Majorca before so perhaps not that much of a stretch.


So I did just that and the first Play Your Cards Night went quite well. I enjoyed doing all the Bruce Forseyth lines – ‘Nothing for a pair…not in this game etc’ and afterwards at around Midnight we took a walk around the town.

As I said, I had been here a few times before but just in case we got lost there was ample signage to get us back to where we wanted to go. Edinburgh was calling me but it is a bit of a hike with just Ottoman Shoes for footwear.


British Hairways said they could only take us there if we got some of our locks chopped off and I wasn’t having any of that. Last time I went to a Barber for a trim here the guy proceeded to lop about 6 months worth of growth off so I hadn’t been back to one since then and he was my regular barber who was taking off my dead ends on occassion.

I think he just got pissed off trying to comb through my rats maze and decided to do something drastic so I wouldn’t return to his shop. It worked.


One night we saw some guy getting rather excited when he was doing this virtual reality thing in the street so we gave it a go. It was ok but I think he was either the world’s biggest scardey cat or a paid stooge. Sadly, it was probably the former.

Nob then led the way for the rest of the family to follow and he hammed it up a bit. The boy got into the spirit of it but Aynur just done her best statue impersonation. Really though, much ado about not much really.

It was good to see some honest advertising around town.


I thought that by doing a comedy show that I could offer something different to what was going on in the town but the owners seemed more concerned with making money from the entertainment rather than just entertaining them. I was happy to play along as it was earning me a few extra bob to pay for the wife and sons Ice Cream and Sodas.


I was even convinced by my son to spend some of it going on a Viking Boat. This one went a bit far over the top for my liking and I hate the feeling of leaving my stomach at 50 feet and then meeting it on the way up again.


Here is a video of the ordeal.

It seemed to last for an eternity too which wasn’t too good for my heart as I spent most of it trying to hold my son in his seat as I had visions of him falling out. If you don’t have any children please take my advice, don’t.

It is bad enough living in this world just being responsible for your own welfare, never mind someone else’s who has considerably less brain power than you do for at least the first 10 years of their life.


After that ride I felt like sticking my head inside a Dinasours mouth but as there wasn’t one around I had to make do with this artwork.


I thought it was time to step the entertainment up a notch and so I hosted a music quiz at the bar. I thought that it would keep people’s interest there for a while and so the bar could sell more drink in the process so I stretched it out for a couple of hours.

I heard back through my son that the bar owners thought it went on too long. I also got grief from some of the contestants as they said that some people were looking up the answers on their mobile phone.

I did announce over the mic for people to put their phones away but I couldn’t be bothered enforcing it too much. I really don’t understand the mentality of going to a pub quiz and feeling the need to cheat. What is the point? Then again, humans confuse me most of the time so I try not to let it get to me but it is hard at times.


After the quiz it was time for every drunk person on holidays favourite pastime, Karaoke!


The guy with the Blue shirt was, shall we say, the pub character for the evening. He seemed to end up taking part in everyone’s song…..whether they wanted him to or not.


This couple were the most enthusiastic about the quiz and brought quite a few family and friends with them. I told them I was going to do a comedy show sometime and they said they would come back for that.


Don’t let the bar staff fool you that they sung on Karaoke, they just wanted to pose with the mic. 🙂


It was good to know that the Beerbulance was on hand at the Bar though in case of emergencies.


This Aztec statue sits outside a bar called Reef Bar which was part of something I got involved in which became known as Turkeygate.


I didn’t realise that when I went there and met the owner to try and sell him a video for my Video Marketing business.

It was then I realised that I had met him before and he told me that the other comedians that were involved before I got entangled into the mess had all contacted him to say sorry for what happened.

Funny, none of them contacted me to apologise or especially the promoter who took the blunt of the blame for it. I will write about that in more detail in a blog in the future. I just thought I’d mention it here as a wee pointer for you to look out for it.

This father and son and the mother who took the photo were a lovely family who I got to know at the bar. We all agreed it was one of the best photo bombs ever! Certainly my best one to date.


I did manage to talk the bar into organising a comedy gig to which they eventually agreed. We thought that by doing it as Nob Stewart it could prove more enticing as it is something really different. So I made a board up a few day in advance and put it outside the bar in the hope of drawing a crowd for it, as the more the better for a comedy show especially.


As the gig drew nearer though I was having second thoughts about doing Nob as when I put that wig on I can’t help but be an obnoxious arsehole. That’s just who Nob is.

I tried to tell them that it should be done in the back of the pub with an audience who are there to listen to Nob’s rantings only and who fully understand what they are letting themselves in for but I was told not to worry and to just go ahead and do Nob in a family bar.

Yep, you’ve guessed it, it didn’t go down too well. I will let Nob explain it from his position and he will even show you the full gig in his blog but suffice to say it was time to make plans for alternate accommodation.

What happened next though, before we left Hisaronu, was a chain of events that were absolutely mental, even by my standards. I will write about them in a book one day but let’s just say I didn’t get what I bargained for when I said I would help a ‘friend’ in need.

Karaoke & Dancing

Here are some scenes of the Karaoke night as well as Aynur dancing at another bar and a short clip from a guitar player performing at Beer’n’Bites bar. Riveting stuff I’m sure you’ll agree.

The Photos



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