Lach’s Anti-Hoot 2/12/13

Nob Stewart


So’ a’ wiz due tae dae ma first comedy gig since returnin’ fae Turkey at Footlights Bar on 2nd December. A’ had done a few other open mic nichts and poetry evenings but a’ decided tae take the plunge back intae the comedy wurld and Rory McAlpine had the baws tae agree tae pit me on his bill.

Rory runs a comedy business under the Pandemonium name and does a regular monthly gig at Caberet Voltaire in Edinburgh also. He had put on the launch nicht ae the new venue the nicht afore and the place wiz stowed oot. The fact he had the wunerful JoJo Sutherland headlinin probably helpled but it wiz well advertised an’ it wiz fur charity an’ aw.

Hooever, maybe wurd had gotten aroon that a’ wiz due tae be on the next nicht as nae cunt turned up. Well, apart fae 10 comedians that is, 7 ae which were due tae be performin’ an’ trust me, playin’ tae a room full ae clowns isnae much fun at aw, so we had tae pull the nicht.

A’ wiznae too doonhearted though as Rory said it would be on again next week but on the Sunday nicht and he invited everyin back whae could make it. It allowed me tae check oot the place and get comfortable mixin’ wi’ comedians again though so a’ ‘hink it did serve some purpose.

A’ had even stayed straight jist fur the occasion and had planned tae dae twa or three poems wi’ no much banter or that in between. Ken, a’ wiz gonnae try an’ be professional even though it goes against every’hin a’ believe in as a’d rather jist talk pish an’ wing it. That way ye dinnae hae tae prepare much and ye kin jist treat it like ye are haein’ a laugh wi’ yer pals, instead ae ‘hinkin’ ye are tryin’ tae make inroads intae Television, which let’s face it, a’ hiv got a fat chance in hell ae ever gettin’ on.

So, aftir dain’ a bit ae minglin’ a’ headed aff back hame but on ma way tae the train a’ remembered aboot Lach’s Anti-Hoot Open Mic, so seein’ as hoo a’ wiz already dressed fur the occassion a’ stuck ma heed in there tae check oot the scene.

They were comin’ towards the end ae the first half which meant there wiz still space fur me tae dae a turn, so a’ gladly agreed when Lach asked uz if a’ wanted tae gie it a pop.

Somehoo though, a’ kent that it wiz gonnae be a struggle, as the crowd were sittin’ up the back an’ had been used tae the vibe ae jist listenin’ tae musicains aw nicht, like John Porro, whae wiz on jist afore me an’ he impressed Lach so much he got an invite tae go on the Tuesday Songwriters nicht.

As the audience didnae ken whit wiz aboot tae hit them, a’ decided tae dae a couple ae short poems, Shame on the Family and Dodgy Crowd.

As a’ explain in the video, the first yin went doon like a lead balloon, so a’ wiz pleased tae caw them cunts afore startin’ the second yin. A’ done it in part jest ae course, but it still felt guid. They didnae laugh at the second yin either but a’ got a token cheer aftir a’ finished which was probably mare ae an insult than silence, but still ye got tae take whit ye kin get, eh.

Then a’ geezer cawed Billy Liar came tae the stage tae get the crowd whipped up again and he certainly done that. A’ had heard he had done a brief tour ae Scotland wi’ Lach so a’ kent he would be guid, so a’ made sure a’ switched ma camera on fur that his songs, which ye kin check oot here and here. Dinnae say a’ amnae guid tae ye.

Here’s another Anti-hooter whae a’ ken fuck aw aboot apart fae the fact that he said Lach wiz his new favourite person, as he jist about pissed himsel the nicht afore laughin’ at his stories.

So then came time fur the break. A’ knew a’ didnae need tae wait aroond fur the vote count so a’ decided tae make a dash fur the train an’ get hame a bit early that nicht. A’ didnae hae any money fur swallae or a’ micht ae had a few but instead a’ went hame sober. There’s a first eh.

A’ actually felt a bit mysterious an’ aw though, tae jist come, perform and vanish intae the nicht withoot a here nor there but a’ did say bye tae Lach afore leavin’. He agreed that they were a tough crowd and telt me tae keep ma spirits up. They wernae doon actually, as a’ hiv had much worse gigs than that yin. As long as nae bottles get thrown that’s ma benchmark. Any’hin aftir that is a bonus.

The Photaes

So it wiznae a wasted nicht by a long stretch an’ anither small step in gettin’ Nob oot there. It turned oot there were a couple ae hot Spanish burds in the audience who a’ bumped intae on ma next visit there…..but we’ll get tae that in a future blog. 😉

Cheers the noo


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