Whit! That cannae be time already!

Nearly every nicht a’ visit
Ma local run doon boozer
In a bid tae convince masel
That a’ am no’ a loser

In there a’ like tae ponder
Aboot this life a’ lead
A’ ask masel ‘whit guid am a’ dain?’
An’ when a’ last done a guid deed?

It’s sae easy tae be cynical
In this wurld ae oors
But a’d like tae better me
While a’ while awa’ the hoors

A’d like tae get up wi’ a purpose
Tae gie ma life some meanin’
A’ could pit the world tae richts
While ma Wife is dain’ the cleanin’

Cause richt noo we arenae gettin’ on
We’re aye’ways fussin’ and fightin’
A’d like tae improve oor relationship
But that would mean actually tryin’

Will a’ change ma ways?
A’ somehoo doobt it
A’ve been this way fur sae long
It’s become a self fulfillin’ habit

A’ ken a’ll get up the ‘morrow
Wi’ a sore heed an’ a basin ae spew
The mirror will gie me a fricht
Cause a’ll look like su’hin’ oot the zoo

A’ aye’ways get morose
When a’ve had tae much tae drink
The truth starts seepin’ oot
Thank God the barman is a shrink

So aye big fella, a’ll hae another
An’ take yin fur yersel
Yer ma best friend in aw the wurld
An’ a’m feelin’ sorry fur masel

Cause a’m strugglin’ tae go on
Aye’ways pittin’ on a happy face
A’ need love jist like any yin
A’ am part ae the human race

God, this whisky’s strong
A’ shouldnae be mixin’ it wi’ rum
Everytime ah’ dae that
A’ get kicked oot on ma bum

But this is hoo a deal wi’
The things that scare me in life
So a’d better hae anothir
Afore a’ go hame an’ face the wife

Nob Wife

Billy’s Version

Nearly every night I visit
My local run down boozer
In a bid to convince myself
That I am not a loser

In there I like tae ponder
About this life I lead
I ask myself ‘What good am I doing?’
And when I last done a good deed?

It’s so easy to be cynical
In this world of ours
But I’d like to better me
While I while away the hours

I’d like to get up with a purpose
To give my life some meaning
I could put the world to rights
While my wife is doing the cleaning

Cause right now we aren’t getting on
We’re always fussing and fighting
I’d like to improve ouor relationship
But that would mean actually trying

Will I change my ways?
I somehow doubt it
I’ve been this way for so long
It’s become a self fulfilling habit

I know I’ll get up tomorrow
With a sore heed and a basin of spew
The mirror will give me a fright
Cause I’ll look like something out the zoo

I always get morose
When I’ve had to much to drink
The truth starts seeping out
Thank God the barman is a shrink

So yeah big fella, I’ll have another
And take one for yourself
You’re my best friend in all the world
And I’m feeling sorry for myself

Cause I’m struggling to go on
Always putting on a happy face
I need love just like anyone
I am part of the human race

God, this Whisky’s strong
I shouldn’t be mixing it with Rum
Everytime I do that
I get kicked out on my bum

But this is how I deal with
The things that scare me in life
So I’d better have another
Before I go home and face the wife

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