Aricht folks, ye's are probably wonderin' whit services a' could provide fur ye. Well basically a' will dae maest 'hings fur money, apart of course, fae gettin' a real job. Fuck that fur a laugh. A' dinnae take tae well tae bawbags tellin' me whit tae dae on a minute by minute basis.
A' believe we are aw here tae be unique individuals and tae display oor love fur life by expressin' the full spectrum ae yer gifts that the creator endowed ye wi' whitever they may be and so actin' like a robot fur money doesnae come under that life description as far as a' am concerned.
Hooever, a' am prepared tae dae other shit fur money. Like if ye want me tae write ye a poem fur whitever reason, a' am sure a' could turn ma hand tae that. Or indeed if ye want an article oot ae me fur some magazine be it online or offline, ye kin be sure ye will get a unique angle fae the Nob. So any'hin creative like that, a' will gie a bash.
Whit else? Well, a' guess a' could perform a comedy gig fur ye if ye are brave enough tae book me. A' tend tae 'wing it' a bit and sometimes it kin aw go 'tits up' but hell, it should be a takin' point on facebook the next day if nu'hin else.
A' also perform poetry although granted as a lady at ma last performance said 'it is a bit mechanical'. Well, a' didnae claim tae be Shakesp.....sorry, Francis Bacon, sweetheart. A' jist make the second and fourth line rhyme and take it fae there. Still, some ae them are mildly amusing, so it isnae aw bad.
A' could also come tae sing a few songs fur ye if ye are hostin' some kind ae musical event. A' am prepared tae play any venue fae yer local boozer tae Glastonbury so get in touch if ye want yer ear drums tae get a guid workin' ower.
A' am sure there is probably a lot mare a' could dae, like even work wi' under privilaged children or give lectures on the dangers ae drink and drugs cause a' hiv a lot ae experience in that area.
Whitever, get in touch if ye 'hink ye would like me tae service ye somehoo and a' am sure we kin sort oot a' reasonable exchange ae ma time fur yur cash. ;-)