The Police

I have a little bit of a rant about The Police inter-spliced with photos with music to give it an extra bit of Oomph!

Introduction

The Police – Video with Photos

Ok before we start, are there any fans of The Police watching this?

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By the way, I don’t mean Stings old band.

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No, I am of course talking about her majesty’s finest……bunch of wankers.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, scottish, rant, police

Because guess what? I’m not a fan of the Police,

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, scottish, rant, police

Although the Police do seem to be quite big fans of me, aye they do.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, scottish, rant, police

Because every time I get in my car,

Is this as fast as it goes?

they take my fucking picture.

Bastards.

They’re worse than the paparazzi.

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Its unreal, flash flash flash as I am going down the street.

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And then a couple of days later they send me the photos,

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, comic, scottish, funny, rant

And ask for an autograph,

Police Fines

Oh aye, they’re huge fans of me alright.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, comic, scottish, funny, rant, humour

Actually they don’t so much ask me for an autograph, as blackmail me.

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They say if I don’t sign and give them £30 to help support my own fan club, then they threaten to stalk me!

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If I still don’t pay then they’re going to kidnap me and put me under lock and key

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for 24 hours a day,

Prison Time

Until their fascination wears off.

Sexual Jailer

Which they explain, could take years.

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Hey, I’m not saying I’m not touched….

Gie's a Kiss.

but if you ask me, that’s taking fanaticism a bit too far.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, scottish, humour, funny, rant

I think taking my picture without asking is the height of rudeness.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, scottish, humour, funny, rant

But that argument doesn’t hold up in the courts…cause apparently I don’t make the laws.

No, THEY do. Bastards.

Masonic Grip

So I’ve decided to fight a one-man revolution.

Hippy Dude

Aye, I’ve stopped wearing a seatbelt.

Big Bird

There’s no feeling like it, driving past a Police Van and looking the policeman right in the eye.

I get a wee lump in my trousers every time.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedian, comedy, scottish, humour, funny, rant

Oh, go on the revolution, I’m the man, I’m the man.

Look mum, no seat belt!

See, I’ve got a polarity responder gene in me.

Black Sheep

Whenever I am told to do something, I just do the exact opposite. I am a bit like a politician in that sense.

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It’s a bit of a problem that has been with me all my life, this rebel gene.

Rebel Yell

For instance, I can’t wait for them to change these drink driving laws.

Drink Driving

Because I cannae get in a car without having 6 Guinness and a couple of whiskeys.

George W Bush Drunk Driver

And my driving is pretty Hellish.

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I can sense that one of these days I am going to have a crash.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

But it’s Ok, I only drive at nighttime, when there are no kids on street.

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Only adults. And we all know they’re expendable.

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So that’s alright then.

And I hate the methods they have for testing for drink drivers.

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Apparently, if you can walk in a straight line for 10 yards that proves you’re sober.

Spewing Boy

Or if you can touch your nose with your hand, that proves you’re sober.

I Ain't Drunk

Or if you can stand on one leg and sing the birdie song that proves your sober.

Stand On One Leg and Sing

It’s Very scientific.

I Wanna Be Your Dog

I got pulled over by the police the other day.

Breathaliser Time

This policeman came up behind me, he was like “Stop Stop Stop”

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

“You’re driving is hellish,

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

get out the car, get out the car”

Man on Car Bonnet

“Right pal I want you to touch your nose with your hand to prove to me that you’ve not been drink driving”

I Keep Drinking

I said “I’m not touching my nose with my hand for you, to prove that I’m sober, wwhat are you going to for me to prove that you are a policeman?”

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

and so he went ‘FUCKO’.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

He battered me with his truncheon

I was like, “Ok Ok, You win, you win.

You Hurt Me!

You’ve proved you’re a fascist bastard.”

Police Battering

Jesus Christ.

Happy Now?

And talking of the police, do you know that every top policeman

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is actually a high-ranking freemason?

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

For instance see that Chief Inspector that gives the news conferences when they are doing a big murder enquiry.

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Do you know he had to roll his sleeve up and shag 6 goats to get that job?

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

That gives a whole new twist on police brutality.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Maybe a better name would be police Bestiality.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

And obviously everyone knows that George Bush, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and all the other members of the Power Elite Gang, all of them are 33rd Degree Freemasons.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

If the lowly police officer is shagging goats, then what the hell are they getting up to?

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Oh aye, that’s right, they’re raping children!

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Allegedly anyway, allegedly.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

At least according to some of the so called ‘conspiracy theorists’ out there.

It would though be interesting to find out exactly what is happening to all those children that go missing every year.

Ludicrous Conspiracy Theories

But I feel a bit sorry for the Police.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Cause it is not easy policing the streets of Britain these days.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Or anywhere for that matter.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Cause there is more and more crime, especially with the youth, its all getting a bit scary.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

I’m thinking about helping the Police

I'm sure they're happy now.

I am thinking about getting a CCTV camera attached to my head,

CCTV Camera

And a microchip in my brain as well

Microchip in Brain

A microchip attached to the camera.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

So any time I even think about doing anything slightly naughty….

an arm comes out the camera and sprays me with mace.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

Cause as well as stopping crime that would help to blind me to the new big brother society that is being introduced before our very eyes.

billy watson, billywatsontv, police, rant, funny, comedian, humour, scottish

It would be a great help to them.

For instance recently in Glasgow, they spent over 2 million pounds on a high tech surveillance station.

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And put cameras up everywhere all over the city centre.

Cameras Everywhere

And their excuse for doing this was because a couple of neds attacked a couple of grannies at a bus shelter.

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

So now we’ve all got to suffer and be spied on.

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we educate the Neds with that money.

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

Is that not better, instead of turning Britain into a paranoid culture?

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

Lets educate the neds, Give them some hope in their lives,

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

Make good on their life skills that they have gained already.

My Life Skills

Give them a community centre so they can play table tennis and chill out a bit.

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

In the future these guys may turn out to be Ned plastic Surgeons.

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

Eh, you never know, you never know “Oi Nurse Senga,

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police, rant

Gonnae pass the scalpel?

Billy Watson, billywatsontv, funny, comedy, humour, scottish, comedian, rant, police

Ah, thanks very much, SLASH SLASH SLASH!

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police, rant

Let me get right in about this face.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police, rant

Who would have thought all that slashing would come in this handy?

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That was a brilliant pioneer scheme by the labour government.

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Goan yerself Gordon Brown.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

And another kind of policemen I don’t like are sleeping policeman.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

That’s right I don’t even like policemen that are made of concrete!

Frustrated Driver

I wouldn’t mind so much if they were real policemen.

Oh Sorry. Didn't see you there.

Cause it’s a pain in the arse getting slowed down everywhere but if they were real policeman “hey, I will just take that detour down that road with all the real policemen on”

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There we go, there goes another policemans skull.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

Wee, what a perfectly good way to slow down my driving.

I don’t mind that at all.

It's Ok.

And recently there was a big hoo ha when all the Rangers fans, all the Neds

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billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

Went down to Manchester for the Uefa cup final

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And then the cctv footage was released of all the neds chasing the policemen down the street.

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Who can blame them, they are just getting revenge!

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

If I was caught up in that hulluballoo and a policeman fell in front of me…

Tripping Policeman

Fuck it, I would give him a good welly as well!

Take That!

Cause I am mad too ladies and gentleman

Kung Fu Fighting

I am a bit of a nutter.

Fuck the Police

Oh, I don’t know, its always Us

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

against Them isn’t it?

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

I don’t know who won on this occasion

Doin' what they are good at!

Why cant we all just be one big happy Family?

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

So that is my thoughts on the old Police.

Put them Up.

I hope you maybe got a little chuckle.

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Or I at least held your attention.

billy watson, billywatsontv, comedy, comedian, funny, humour, police,

Take care and I will see you on the next one, Bye Bye!

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The Police – Old

The Police – Old With Photos

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