Billy and Aynur Wedding

So after getting back at 3am in the morning from my impromptu Stag Night, surprisingly I didn’t feel too rough the next day. Which was good as I still had lots of things to organise including the photos I planned on using to tell the story of how Aynur and I got together.

As I was going to do that the previous night before Roar called me over to his place, I done what I could and told myself I would do the rest between the afternoon ceremony and the evening party when we came back home to change.

I went over to my Ex-Wife’s apartment to up my son, who I had told to get well dressed but on arriving I saw that he looked more like he was going to the Beach for the day than his Father’s Wedding. I tried to get him to wear a decent shirt but he put on a grumpy face and I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle so I let it be, Flip Flops and all.

Alison and Alper were able to come along for the afternoon ceremony but couldn’t make the evening party as Alper was working. We all jumped on a bus to the Rixos Hotel where we were meeting Roar, my Best Man, hoping he would have with him the shoes that I left at his apartment the night before or else I’d be getting married in my trainers.

Fortunately he did and we grabbed a Taxi to Aynur’s Grandmothers apartment where we would have a bit to eat before the ceremony and it would also give the neighbours a good opportunity to have a squawk at the new addition to the Grandma’s family, namely me.

As the Taxi took off, the driver turned around and said “Alper!!” He was an old friend of his from the village where Alper group up in the Istanbul region of Turkey. So they got well reacquainted for the 10 minute ride.

As we got out the Taxi, Aynur and her Sister and Cousin were just getting back from the Hairdresser and they were worried what the Grandma would think about my Kilt. She’s a small woman but everyone seems to be scared of her. Thankfully I still can’t speak Turkish after 20 years since I first got married to a Turkish lady, so I am not so beholden to her authority.

When we arrived she didn’t bat an eyelid anyway and then I got introduced to Aynur’s father for the first time. Apparently my first Father-In_-Law didn’t come to Scotland for my marriage because I hadn’t officially asked him for his daughters hand in marriage. I didn’t realise that was still a custom in some parts of the world.

So, as we sat down for Pide and Baklava, I asked Aynur’s Dad if I could marry his daughter, to which he thankfully agreed as it would have been a bit awkward if he had said “No”. Roar did point out the fact that I should have maybe have asked him before I organised the wedding which was a valid point.

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I had told Aynur I didn’t want any Religious ceremony but at the Grandma’s insistence we were taken into a room where a neighbour read out some things from the Koran. I said what I needed to say at the appropriate time as it didn’t seem worthwhile to make a song and dance about it. It kept Grandma on my side anyway.

Then it was time for some pictures with the neighbours. You will see from the photos that my son done a remarkable job of looking as miserable as possible in every photo. I guess it was kinda strange for him to go to his own Dad’s wedding and I didn’t have the energy to give him a talking to about it but it was pretty annoying, especially when I saw the photos afterwards.

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Here I am with the Sisters and Mother. Aynur, I have to say was looking particularly beautiful and that helped to ease my slight concerns about jumping into the Marriage cauldron for a second time. Of course, her sister and mother scrubbed up pretty well too.

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Then we all jumped into about 5 or 6 cars to go to Konyaalti Belediye (council) building for the ceremony. I had arranged one car to take Roar, Alison and Alper in and Aynur’s father was going to join them in that but believe it or not all the cars left, leaving them stranded and they had to get a Taxi.

Aynur, my son and I were joined by her Sister in the front and her Grandma squeezed in the back seat. Halfway there Grandma started getting really excited about something, saying ‘Allah, Allah’ quite a lot.

Just after Aynur had told her we were getting married she had taken her out to buy lots of decorative Fridge Magnets, about 75 in total which she planned to hand out to the guests after the ceremony as apparently this is a custom here but despite their seeming importance she had left them in her house! Oh well, worst things happen at Sea.

I caused a bit of a stir at the Belediye building as I don’t think they had seen a man wearing a skirt before, far less one wearing no underwear either. We were getting our photo taken by staff members there and then were taken to a room to relax in for 10 minutes while everyone else piled into the main hall to take their seat.

While there a photographer turned up and said he would take 20 photos and make a professional DVD for 100TL. Seemed like a fair deal to me as my Photographer for my first wedding 20 years ago took about £400 and that didn’t include video. So that non-plan cam together quite well.

I got a quick briefing of what was to happen during the ceremony and what poses to make for the camera and then I walked Aynur into the hall and sat her down while milking the applause. I didn’t expect to be up on stage so I had to make the most of it.

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The guy who performs the ceremony read some things out but I hadn’t a clue what he was on about so I could have been agreeing to anything and there was only one word on my script which was ‘Evet’, which I know means ‘Yes’. I managed to get a laugh out of that though and if you watch the video below, you will see how. Forever the joker, that’s me.

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Then came my favourite part, Kissing The Bride. Kissing on each cheek is the normal custom in public in Turkey and my brain was a bit confused by the change but I managed to aim square and centre and find her lips. What a guy!

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Then we posed for some photos with my new Family. The reason my Family weren’t there was because I didn’t tell them I was getting married until about one week before just in case I changed my mind at the last minute and they had their flights and Hotels booked. I was still a bit nervous about going through with it leading up to the wedding but on the day I was glad to commit. In for a penny, in for a pound, that’s always been my motto.

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Here is an edited version of the video that the photographer provided.

I had to edit out a guy who attended the wedding and was really creepy by asking my son things like ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ and then trying to force another 10 year old girl on him. He was the only thing that pissed me off all day, well apart from my son’s lack of camera smiles. In Turkey, strangers can still cuddle children and in the main I have no problem with this guy was too much.

After the ceremony we had to clear the hall for the next couple to sign on the dotted line and so everyone went to the lobby area where Aynur’s family started pinning small pieces of Gold to our clothing. This is another tradition in Turkey and sometimes people also attach money to the Bride and Groom, which is usually when I go to the toilet if I am at a Wedding.

I have no idea of the value of it but I may need to go and pawn it pretty soon. Let’s hope it can pay this months electricity and internet bills.

Alper and Alison had to leave at this point as Alper was starting work early that night, so we grabbed a quick photo and said our Goodbye’s although we would see Alison when we got back home to change.

Aynur wanted some more pictures taken at the Pyramid Park so I took Ellis there and Roar joined us also.

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When a group of 3 boys saw us they came up to me and asked for money. It wasn’t the asking that annoyed me but rather how they went about it. It was like I owed them it or something, so that got my back up and they were politely told to go away. That is one custom I definitely didn’t appreciate.

They didn’t listen and continued to follow us around the Park with Roar and myself both threatening to batter them and chasing them at one point, all in good jest you understand. Still they came back. I then played some reverse psychology on them and told them to come with us which confused them a little. I’d like to say that was what got them to stop harassing us but more likely they just got bored.

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Aynur then proceeded to try and climb on this Donkey for a photo. ‘Try’ being the operative word. It was shaking like a mad thing as she tried to clamber on and I don’t know what it was made of but I pictured it smashing to pieces and had to tell her to get off, which is not something I am accustomed to doing. 😉

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Then Aynur tried to get a basket with her Bouquet and succeeded first time.

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Fortunately Roar and Ellis were on hand to retrieve it.

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Then it was time to hit the children’s park for some See-Saw action.

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Roar headed back to his house in the town centre after the park and my new wife and took the bus back to his mother’s house. Yep, I could have got a taxi but I am Scottish after all and I had the Kilt to prove it.

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After dropping my son off I definitely should have got a Taxi but Aynur said she didn’t mind walking to we hit the road. I got thirsty half way there and got her to make me my first Coffee as a married lady.

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In Scotland we call our girlfriend or wife ‘Doll’ so I got my doll to pose with some Russian Dolls.

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We then popped in to see Fatih at the @Venture Bar on our way to the Beach. It was damn hot in those outfits and he gave us some refreshing water which helped us on our way.

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We then visited the same spot on the Beach that I had first got together with Aynur in a Romantic kind of way about 11 months prior.

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It was bloody melting in these outfits and by this time the sweat was lashing of us and we didn’t have long before we had to leave for the evening party, so we walked for what seemed like forever on the road to Alisons. Quite a few cars were beeping at us and wishing us well but there were also a few drivers Beeping and looking at me as if to say ‘What the Hell?’

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I don’t know if it was because I was making my wife walk in that weather in her Wedding Dress or because they had never seen a man in a skirt before. I think it was probably the latter.

Evening Parties

I didn’t have time to organise the photos for the story I intended to tell at the party so I stuck them on my camera’s memory card and told myself I could maybe organise them at the bar as people never turn up on time here anyway.

The sun was just setting as we got to King Bar and as we were walking to the lift some guy asked me if I wanted my brand new shoes polished. I told him “Hayir, Teşekkurederim” and then as the lift down to King Bar wasn’t available we went around the other side to take a couple of photos and admire the beautiful view.

On turning around the guy had followed me to insist that I needed my shoes polished. If you are not Turkish here they think you are rich or something but even if I was I would still have told him to bugger off as my shoes were brand spanking! Eventually, he took the hint and we got in a few selfie’s before catching the lift down to the bar.

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Just as I thought there was no-one there on time so I hastily tried to organise the photos. There was a problem even getting them onto the computer as the computer didn’t have a slot for camera cards. The barman helped me out by putting them on his laptop and then onto the main computer but that took about 20 minutes of fucking about while the guests did start to arrive.

Anyway, eventually I arranged them and there were enough guests there for me to grab the mic and introduce my new wife and thank them for coming.

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I had had a few beers by this time so I don’t think I managed to get in all the wee jokes or tales that I had been thinking about beforehand but I done a reasonable job of telling our story. Maybe one day I will put the photos in their proper order and do a more organised script but in the meantime you can see the live performance below.

Thanks to all the guests who gave us something to help us on our way in our married life and here is Petra donating her money to my Hairy Sporran which fulfilled some kind of lifetime ambition of hers I believe.

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It was great to see Michael and Serap again as we go waaaaayyyy back and I had attended their Wedding last November. As you can see we can still do our Adı Bar faces.

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Anıl doesn’t pull Adı Bar faces, instead he wears them on his T-Shirt.

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I was getting pretty soppy on the facebook event page for the wedding by posting lots of romantic songs. One of them was ‘You Are So Beautiful’ by Joe Cocker and I wrote ‘Almost as good as Anıl’. I asked him if he wanted to sing so as he was pondering what song he came up with the idea that he sing in the background and I mime to the Joe Cocker song. It’s the best I have ever sounded.

Roar then suggested that Aynur and I duet on ‘Paradise By the Dashboard Light’ by Meatloaf which we have murdered before at the King Bar Karaoke nights. I didn’t need asking twice although Aynur was worried about not being well rehearsed but I just said “Follow my lead girl”.

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Before I started I explained that I had sung ‘Suspicious Minds’ at my first wedding which I don’t think was a great omen and that ‘Paradise’ doesn’t end too well either….but at least they stay together even if the guy does end up praying for the end of time, which indeed you may do when you hear my voice. 😉

I was doing the DJ duties for the night and I just kept pumping out the old classics. As some folks started drifting off it was good to see the hardcore ladies posse still going strong, including Petra with her crutches!

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Before leaving I had to say thank you to Levent, the owner of King Bar, for letting me use his bar and also for providing a lovely spread of groceries for people. My budget didn’t allow it and he put it on out of his own pocket for which I was very appreciative. My stomach even more so because the grub was super tasty and the guests were happy with it too.

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I wanted to make the most of our Wedding Day so when Aynur’s sister and cousin invited us to go with them to another bar, I was certainly up for it and so we headed towards Turdor’s Arena.

On the way there we passed these boys selling Midye (Mussels) and because we were newly weds they offered us one each for free and it wasn’t a con to get money out of us somehow. Genuine free! That doesn’t happen every day, I must get married more often.

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Aynur had changed into the dress she wore on the night that I first met her. She was Princes Leia that night but she is my Queen now.

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Aynur was feeling a bit tired and hungry and wasn’t really in the mood to party at Tudor’s Arena so we left her sister and cousin and went for a Borek and Çay at the Pastry shop just outside. As it turned out this was the Pastry shop that Roar had found his way to the night before while I was waiting for him at King Bar.

Roar had left the Wedding before us and took his girlfriend home and then returned to King Bar to discover everyone had left, so he made his way to his favourite pastry shop to find Aynur and myself sitting outside. I took that as a sign to keep drinking.

The pastry and tea had given Aynur a ‘third or fourth wind’ so we went across the road to Roadhouse Bar where this guy approached me ver excitedly telling me I was living his dream by wearing a skirt in public with no underwear!

Then he took it further by asking me to go into the toilet and change clothes with him. I said I may have done it some other day but this was my Wedding night and it wasn’t going to happen which thankfully, he understood.

Maybe I could turn it into a business. Just take my Kilt out and go around bars asking men if they would like to pose in it for 10 minutes for 100TL. If I don’t start earning a decent income soon, it’s either that or wear my Kilt down the docks and I don’t fancy that too much.

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I then met the singer from Blue Life and when he realised it was my wedding night he said he would dedicate a song to us. I asked him if it would be ok if we joined him onstage for a dance and he said there were lots of cables but I said it would be no problem but he didn’t seem overly enamoured with the idea.

Regardless when he dedicated ‘Rocking All Over the World’ to us I grabbed Aynur and gave Roar my camera which was rolling for video and hit the stage for a ‘dance’, which after a minute or two I turned into a full on ‘Billy In The House’ performance and had the party going big time.

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Roar then spent most of the song trying to figure out how to change it to photo mode to take photos, when I really wanted a video. Some best man, eh?

You can see a small clip of me in action followed by some other scenes from the bar below.

Even though I more or less kept repeating the same verse and chorus I had done a good job of whipping the crowd into a frenzy but I didn’t expect to be lifted on their shoulders as I got off the stage.

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I think that will be the first and last time that happens after I sing.

We stayed for a while longer but around 3am it was time to hit the road, so we bid Roar farewell and headed off to catch a bus. On our walk there though we spotted an All Seeing Eye and had to stop for a photo with that. You can tell Aynur is my wife as she is doing the Tongues Out Pose already without me even asking her. It’s amazing what a ring will do for a woman.

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We then spotted a Kebab shop but all they were selling at that time was Kokoreç which I didn’t think was the kind of Kok I would be stuffing down her throat on our wedding night but it was good all the same.

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We then headed to the Bus Stop to wait for a Bus. Scottish to the bitter end.

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All in all I think we managed to sqeeze every last bit of fun out of our Wedding Day, what do you think?

The Photos

Cheers!

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