The End Of Eternity

I had to make a poster to Advertise the England v Croatia World Cup Semi-Final and against every fibre in my being I even stuck a ‘It’s Coming Home’ reference into it.

I think maybe as a reaction to that, I started thinking of changing some words to a song I already know how to play on the guitar, so I could make something quickly before the Semi-Final which is indeed only a few hours away.

The English are sayin’ that, ‘Football’s coming home’
They aw suffer fae fuckin’ arsehole syndrome
Cause ‘Nineteen Sixty Six’ is a ‘hing ae the past
But ye’d ‘hink that it wiz yesterday
An’ if they win this year, we’ll no’ hear the last
Until the end ae eternity

They jist beatTunisia, wi’ minutes tae spare
Then they slaughtered Panama, whae nevir had a prayer
An’ then got beat by Belgium intentionally
So they cuid navigate their way tae the final
An’ if they win this year, oor ears they will blast
Until the end ae eternity

Next came Colombia, whae were meant tae be easy
But they claimed that they were dirty an’ sleazy
But naebody mentioned Henderson’s actin’
Or Harry’s dive fur the penalty
An’ if they win this year, oor die will be cast
Until the end ae eternity

Their egos inflated when they won the shoot oot
Fur yince their bottom lips, they didnae need tae poot
Aw ae a sudden, they were tap ae the wurld
An’ the trophy is theirs fur the takin’
An’ if they win this year, oor joy will be in the past
Until the end ae eternity

Sweden didnae pit up much ae a fight
FurWurld Cup quarter finalists they were pretty fuckin’ shite
Maguire an’ Ali they got the goals
But Pickford saved them fae cryin’
An’ if they win this year, oor life is dooncast
Until the end ae eternity

Next up’s Croatia, a nation ae fower million
But if they win, the English will ‘hink they’re Brazilian
Even though they dinnae mention the foreign immigrants
Whae mak up mare than half ae their team
An’ if they win this year, oor face we will glass
Until the end ae eternity

The Wurld Cup final wi’ England there
Aw Scotsman will be left wi’ nae hair
Fur even a glimmer ae them winnin’ the cup
Oor lives we’ll contemplate takin’
An’ if they win this year, we’ll commit hari kari on mass
Until the end ae eternity

Imagine the horror ae an English victory
Their narcissistic media wuid vomit on uz daily
Remindin’ uz that fitba somehoo came hame
An’ hoo we kin aw boo doon tae their greatness
So please god dinnae let them win ANY year
Until the end ae eternity

Thankfully, a’ am happy tae say
The Croatians didnae come tae jist lay
They brought an end tae the impendin’ doom
An’ cheered up every Scots livin’ room
Let’s hope that god keeps gie’in uz a break
Until the end ae eternity

Needless to say, I’ll be supporting Croatia and then France if England do reach the Final but do bear in mind that most Scottish people quite like English people and it’s your media drives us fuckin’ nuts.

In fact the English people I talk too more or less agree with me on that so this song is just a bit of harmless retaliation for making me suffer that fucking ‘Comin’ Home’ song so much.

Thank God we have Begbie to set things straight.

Of course there are those who won’t budge on the topic.

Actually in the first draft of the lyrics the second line I had was ‘I’d rather kiss the asshole of the Reptile on the Throne’.

To be honest deep down I really don’t give a shit who wins because I am of the opinion that Sports are basically Bread and Circuses for the masses as the video below illustrates quite well.