I listened to an interview of a celibate man
Found it to be extremely enlightening
Cause I too can find sex with my missus
To be a chore and a little bit frightening
This man claims that sex is for procreation
Anything more is missing the point
Even masturbation is out of proportion
Lube should be used instead to anoint
He said that a male orgasm is like a period
After the release our consciousness falls
We lose courage, confidence and nobility
Our creative juices are also stored in our balls
So as an experiment I haven’t shot in a week
But this poem certainly isn’t coming with ease
My mind is too focused on the weight in my sack
It is begging my hand to at least give it a squeeze
Now I know why boxers abstain before a fight
As I just want to tear the head off my best friend
I am having dreams about knifing my family
Then I wake up being stabbed by my bell end
This interviewee said we have been conditioned
Men never used to wank even a tenth as much
The powers that be use porn to weaken us
That’s why the weakest army has always been the Dutch
He also talked about how sex is used today
To sell everything from beer to toilet roll
How can we take women seriously
When they equate their body to a big hole?
But men also have these false expectations
That women get slutty to try and meet
When really men should be telling them
To get off their knees and onto their feet
Sex should be saved for married couples
For that propagates that old institution
Women should be at home raising kids
Instead of working like men in prostitution
We are losing vital parts of our heritage
Matriarchs used to promote community
Now women think if they are a housewife
They are losing a slavery opportunity
Couples now think that if the sex isn’t great
Something is wrong with their marriage
But being bored with sex is a great success
Not something we should overly disparage
Just living with someone of the opposite sex
Changes you in many profound ways
Men become softer and women tougher
We don’t need Viagra to give us a raise
So I guess what I am saying is don’t despair
If your sex life isn’t like it’s falsely portrayed
Maybe love is more important than an orgasm
So men don’t wank when you could serenade
That is not to say we should worship women
They may not say it but that’s not what they want
Treat them nice but don’t go overboard
They love it when you are a bit nonchalant
A woman wants a man to take care of her needs
Not a puppy dog in desperate need of attention
If you do decide to make love with her
At least show her a suitable degree of retention
Women remember the power of receptivity
You are the earth and we are planting a seed
You don’t need to strap on a twelve-inch dildo
Try to get revenge by making a man bleed
Remember as you get older our bodies change
It is a gentle reminder from god there is more to life
Plastic surgeons should be put out of business
When I am eighty, I don’t want a needy barbie wife
I want to meditate and find a deep connection
To my soul, higher self, god or the creator
And if I occasionally get a rush of blood
My wife will serve as the perfect dick deflator
Cheers!
Donate
