My name is Billy Watson. Billy is of course short for William, although I’m not quite sure how as they sound like two completely different names to me.
The name on the Birth Certificate reads, William James George Watson. What kind of a name is that? What the hell were my parents thinking about? I think they just really wanted me to be a King.
Throughout history there have been more than a few King William’s, King James’s and King George’s. Hell, as Glasgow Rangers fans like to point out frequently, there was even a King Billy! So even though they shortened my name for everyday use, I am still regal.
There is a restaurant called, ‘The Four Kings’ in Scotland which I used to think they named after me.
The story goes, that I was just supposed to be named William James after my dad and my mother’s dad respectively but at the last minute, just for the hell of it apparently, my father threw his dad’s name, George, into the mix as well. Well thanks for that, Willie! That was his shortened version of William. At least my parents didn’t call me a synonym for a penis.
Although, as this book will reveal, I did do that for myself when I invented a comedy character called Nob, and then acted like one quite a lot too.
I think my dad didn’t want his dad to feel left out, even though by all accounts he was a bit of an arsehole and probably wouldn’t have given a shit either way.
In primary school we used to play a game called ‘Red Letter’. Someone would call out a letter from the alphabet and if that letter was in your name, then you took one step forward. The first one to reach the other side of the playground was the winner.
I was the undefeated world champion at that game. It was about the only thing at school in which I excelled. I was practically sprinting.
In Scottish, William James George translates to Wullie (another variation) Jimmy Geordie, which is about the only thing I find amusing about my name.
Fortunately, as it is registered to the Crown, it doesn’t actually belong to me, it belongs to them. So, they are welcome to it.
I don’t want to be a third-party interloper on a contract that I had no say in the creation of and that name has never resonated with me anyway, so I’ll just stick with Billy, thanks.
– Cheers!
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