So, as I said, I was born in a place that is commonly referred to as England, although I don’t really recognise national boundaries as to me countries are just corporations with imaginary borders, invented to conquer and divide the people of the world.
As I was brought up in Scotland from the age of three, I was at least in part, brainwashed into thinking I am Scottish. Whatever that means.
I identify more as being Celtic, as at least the races are a more natural way of identifying a people. I lived in the land mass that is commonly known as Turkey for twelve years and I was so tired of being reminded of a particular Hollywood movie, because the people there seem to have an innate desire to know exactly where you are from. Everywhere you go all you get is, “Where are you from? Where are you from?”
It’s usually used as a way in so they can try and sell you something but even people in the street, in a bar, or even at a supermarket checkout want to know where you are from, so they can make an immediate character judgement.
As soon as I say, “I am from Scotland”, they usually give me a big smile and say, “Ah, Braveheart”.
I don’t want to burst their bubble by explaining the movie’s factual inaccuracies or it’s omitting of other important details that in fact, most Scottish people are not even aware of, like the fact that Robert The Bruce was a catholic traitor of the people, so I just say, “Aye, aye”.
Then they say, “William Wallace”. I say, “No, it’s William Watson actually. William James George Watson, to be precise”.
Then they say “Freedom!!!” Which aggravates me a bit as we never got freedom then and to make matters worse, we apparently just voted against it recently, well, if you believe the official result of the referendum anyway.
I don’t vote at all because I don’t believe in giving my power away voluntarily to evil blood drinking vampire scumbags but each to their own.
I have stopped saying that I am from Scotland and instead I like to put a blip in their program and say, “I am from the universe”.
They usually don’t know how to handle that one. I have had some just completely walk away from me. As if I just spoiled their whole routine. I’m like, “Not even saying güle güle?” (goodbye).
Some smile and say, “Oh, I am from the universe too”. I’m like, “Great, you don’t need to try and sell me anything then, seeing as how we are on the same team”.
I’ve thought of another answer, but I haven’t been brave hearted enough to use it yet. When they say, “Where are you from?” I want to reply, “From my mother’s cunt”.
Which is more factually accurate than saying I am from a particular piece of land. After all, I didn’t crawl out of the ground, did I?
No, I was shoved out down a birth canal and popped out of a vagina, although my mother may describe that experience a little differently, as ‘popped out’ may do a disservice to her intense labour pains, no matter where she was physically located in time and space at the time.
Another reply to the eternal question, would be to say, ‘I am from the twinkling in my father’s eye’, because let’s not forget that’s where the whole sad story started. I believe that the body is a prison for the soul and that this world is in fact hell.
The original sin refers to procreation. Just look up the Hebrew letter called Sin, and you will see a reptile like shape appearing from the union of two other reptile like shapes.
Describes humanity perfectly. Bill Hicks put it so well, ‘We are a virus with shoes’. Although technically a virus has never been proven to exist outside of the cellular debris of a lab petri-dish, but we’ll not get into that here as I’ve lost enough people in my life trying to point that fact out to them.
Cheers!
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