A’ wiz telt by ma wife
A’ had tae teach her hoo tae drive
It chilled me tae the bone
Why cannae she learn tae drive alone?
There’s nae point in arguin’
Serves me richt fur marryin’
So noo a’ hae tae live ma life
Dain’ favours fur ma wife
So a’ hold on tae the grip
An’ try tae bite ma lip
Thoughts go through ma head
Like, ‘Why did a’ get Wed?’
A’ tell her she’s dain’ fine
Pray a’ll keep this life ae mine
Raise ma voice when she gets tae near
Then take anothir swig ae beer
A’ hiv lost a lot ae hair
Jist fur showin’ hoo much a’ care
Oor relationship is goin’ doon the tubes
Cause a’ really cannae handle her boobs
Nae man kin un’erstand
Until he’s sat wi’ her furst hand
Although she saved me fae the ditch
Ma fuckin’ life is still a bitch
Her fourth test is very soon
A’ noo whistle tae the moon
Please God let her pass
Fur a’ am runnin’ oot ae gas
A’ am ready tae meet ma maker
A’ hiv become a Quaker
Ma car screams in pain
While she drives me even mare insane
If she fails the test yince more
A’ will hae tae walk oot the door
A’ will sign masel intae a looney bin
Wi’ a demented haunted grin
Fur this cannae go on indefinitely
A’d rather live a life ae celibacy
Marriage wiz supposed tae calm me doon
Noo a’ am jist a nervous buffoon
She said that when she passed
Oor sex life would be a blast
That wiz why a’ took on this job
As she promised tae deep throat ma knob
A’ ‘hink noo it wiz aw a ploy
Tae replace me wi’ a new toy boy
If he ever sits wi’ her behind the wheel
A’ jist hope he has got baws ae steel
Cause nu’hin kin prepare him fur
A life ae suckin’ up tae her
A’ will be happy chasin’ burds in the bar
An’ a’ll no’ tell any, that a’ve got a car
Cheers the noo!
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