A’m nae a very guid shopper
Aw it does is make me moan
Sometimes ma wife drags me along
But we aye’ways end up shoppin’ alone
This time wiz nae different
A’m afraid a’ve nae got much patience
Let’s jist say it will be a while
Afore we again hiv sexual relations
We disagreed aboot her need fur new shoes
So she pissed aff an’ left me
She reminded me ae Yoko Ono
A high pitched Wailin’ Banshee
But there is fuck aw a’ want tae buy
An’ it’s no’ cause a’m tight
Fur instance, a’ used tae buy loads ae records
But noo the music in the charts is shite
But a’ did end up in a music store
Jist tae get inside fae the cauld
A’ wiz like, “Whit’s this Rap music aw aboot?”
Some kid shouts, “Ha, You’re just getting old”
A’ said, “Hey look ya little runt
A’m nae as old as ye ‘hinks
An’ a’ ken guid music when a’ hear it
An’ believe me, that music stinks”
“Well, where did you get your ancient togs?” he said
“Ma Faither passed them doon tae me”
“Was your Dad a frigging poof?”
A’ said, “Look, ye’d better start tae flee”
The Security geezer then arrived
He did look very strong
He had the cheek tae ask me tae leave
A’ said, “Whit the hell hiv a’ done wrong?”
“Ye were threatening the kid with violence”
“Well, he needs tae be taught wrong fae richt”
“How would you like it if I battered you?”
“Oh Aye? A’ll show yoo how tae ficht”
“Oh, you think so?” he said,
As he grabbed me by ma collar
Then he knee’d me in ma ba’s
An’ a’ began tae holler
Then the great big lug
Threw me oot ontae the street
A’ said, “‘Hink yersel’ lucky pal
That a’ hiv been abstainin’ fae eatin’ meat”
That’s the last time a’ll go shoppin’
Ma suit wiz nearly binned
A’ lost ma wallet in the scrum
An’ bathe ma knees were skinned
Whit is it with kids ae today?
They’re aw on drugs, that’s whit it is
It wiz different when a’ was a lad
We could handle oor Acid, E’s an’ Whizz
A’ ‘hink the parents are tae blame
Fur no’ bringin’ them up properly
They should be polite an’ civilized
Even if they’re aff their trolley
If there’s yin ‘hing a’ve learned
Ye dinnae need drugs tae enjoy yerself
Like, see after a’ foond an’ then booted that kids arse
A’ wiz in a superb state ae mental health
That wiz soon tae end though
When a’ met back up wi’ the Wife
Ootae spite she had racked up ma credit card
Which a’ll be payin’ back fur life
Cheers the noo!
Donate
