The Jim Rose Circus

They are Jim an’ his pal Egor
A psycho covered in green tattoos
They torture themselves fur a livin’
While shatterin’ aw societal taboos

Fur instance, they eat lots ae maggots
Razor blades an’ parts ae a car
Jim said the only ‘hing he wouldnae eat
Is a Scottish deep fried Mars bar

Now fur some strange unknown reason
Ma friend suggested we go tae the show
We were bathe dain’ a lot ae LSD at the time
A’ ‘hink that’s why a’ agreed tae go

Well Jim and Egor, they dinnae hauld back
They believe in giein’ yin hun’er per cent
A’ ‘hink they were jist tryin’ tae prove
Their manhood is no’ even slightly bent

Fur they stuck skewers through their arms
Let aff moose traps on their tongue
They then set fire tae their genitals
Whilst fae their fingers they were hung

At that point a’ nearly fainted
A’ jist aboot managed tae regain ma breath
A’ dinnae ken hoo they were copin’
Cause a’ wiz fairly close tae death

Then came the show stoppin’ moment
The hoose lichts dimmed
Egor drank a jug ae man juice
An’ it wiznae even skimmed

He washed it doon wi’ a pint ae blood
An’ some urine fur good measure
Hoo much wiz he getting paid?
Or wiz he dain’ it fur pleasure?

Then he brought some back up intae a glass
By Jim batterin’ his rib cage
He then invited any thirsty volunteers
Tae come up ontae the stage

The audience jist laughed
It wiz obvious he wiz jist bein’ kind
He kent that fur any yin tae drink it
They would hae tae be, totally oot ae their mind

But ma friend had seen a preview ae the show
He had planned this aw along
He stood up and shouted
“Aye sure, a’ hope it’s really strong”

He made his way ontae the stage
Where the wurlds wurst pint did await
It had that much semen in it
It’d probably turn a gay man straight

Egor handed him the sickly concoction
Sayin’, “I think you are taking this joke too far”
But ma friend jist smiled, then dooned the lot
Some people will dae any’hin’ tae be a Star

Ma mate then returned tae his seat
The crowd were totally in a state ae shock
They couldnae focus on the show
Aw they could do was face my mate, an’ gawk

Jim wiz mare embarrassed than angry
Upstaged at his aen world renowned show
They had tae caw an end tae the evenin’
There wiz nae place mare extreme fur them tae go

Everythin’ wiz pretty cool
Until aboot yin week later
When ma friend’s face turned green an’ he couldnae eat
He had come doon wi’ a life threatenin’ fever

Fur the next 2 week’s he wiz at death’s door
His stomach refused tae accept a ‘hing
Then he asked me the stupidest question, a’ve ever heard
“Do you think drinking Egor’s spew, made me spew my ring?”

It wiz at that point a’ realized
That oor friendship had tae end
An’ ever since a’ve been aff the acid
A’ve never again seen…. my psychotic imaginary friend

Cheers the noo!