Stars In The Bar
Let me give ye’s the backgroond tae this performance. Ye see, there wiz a caberet competition in ma local bar in Fa’kirk called Stars In The Bar and as a’ had nothing better tae dae that nicht a’ thought a’ wuid gie it a go wi’ ma poem Itchy Willy.
Although it went reasonably aricht the competition wiz really fur jazzed up wannaebe Karaoke singers an’ as a cannae carry a tune in a bucket a’ decided tae go back the followin’ week and dae a version ae the Rod Stewart classic Maggie May, which a’ turned intae Suzie Hay aboot a prostitute a’ used tae ken.
After all a’ had nothin’ tae lose and the winner of the competition wiz gonna get a Caberet contract so although a’ didnae ‘hink a’ had much chance ae that a’ thought if a’ done a’richt a’ might get a blowjob oot ae it fae some really drunk bird who wiz loves dirty talk.
So a’ bought masel a new leapord skinned coat and a’ wiz off.
A’ got through the heat and then the semi-final wiz a breeze.
A’ got intae the final but a cannae mind much aboot it cause a’ had aboot 4 beers and a couple ae spliffs afore it. Needless tae say a’ didnae win or get a blowjob but fae this competition ma singin’ career wiz born.
Fair do’s it hasnae went very far as yet but ye never ken. That’s why a’ keep plodding awa’. Yin day maybe a’ will make it big across the pond. Ye kin aye’ways dream eh?