The Olympos Bender

‘Another Friday night in Adı Bar. Wonder where this one will end up?
Ok Özgür, keep them coming.’

“I just can’t resist a beautiful woman. Emily’s not bad either.”

‘Give us a cuddle sweetheart’
‘Beş lira az para cuddle sen’

‘Çok Güzel Kadinlar, soyle Peynir’

‘I don’t know why but I feel 10 feet tall’
‘Çunku ben çok kisa kadin, sen çok aptal adam.’

‘Billy, don’t you know I’m getting divorced? I don’t want photos of me on the internet…. especially if it looks like ah’m having fun, so you can stick that camera where the sun don’t shine’

‘Take one of me then Billy. Let the world see how beautiful I am’

‘Make sure you tell your affluent friends I’m single and looking for love, eh?’
‘Hey Ceyda, what a coincidence, so am I.’
‘Yeah, but you’ve no chance.’

‘What do you think of my moves Billy?’

‘I’ve been watching you on the pole’

‘Oh yeah, this one’s for the ladies. Put your tongue away Michael’

‘But you have such a cute ass’

‘Hey Billy, do you know how bad we can be?’
‘Yeah, show him Serap’

‘See, we can rock the Pole too’

‘Don’t worry Serap, I love bad girls.’
‘Do you really? Prove it then, what bad thing would you would like to do with me?’

‘Is this a clear enough indication?’
‘I think I got the message. Oh, by the way, you have no chance.’

‘Let me try this pole thingy’

‘He he he. See how naughty I am?’

‘But nobody here is as bad ass as me’

‘Well, apart from him obviously’
‘That’s right Baldy.’

‘Do you wanna be in our gang? It’ll cost you. Your money or your life?’

‘Oi Billy. What did I tell you about that bloody camera?’
‘You can dance but you can’t hide. He he. Come on Michael and Callie follow me into the toilets for some fun. Serap, you guard the door.’

B: ‘Ok Callie, that’s enough. You can let go now. ‘
C: ‘Why? He asked for it. ‘
M: ‘Aaarrraaarrraaagghh!! I thought she was joking when she said could make a man cum from his boots inside 30 seconds ‘
S: Whats going on in there? ‘
B,C & M: ‘NOTHING!! ‘

C: ‘He’s not wearing that T-Shirt for a bet is he? ‘
S: ”fraid so ‘
M: ‘Who wants Tequila? ‘

‘Don’t you think it suits me Billy? ‘
‘Well Michael, it’s certainly not the worst ah’ve seen…….

…..case in point.
But haven’t the Bros twins have aged? ‘

‘Shit, that Tequila has just kicked in. How are you doing Michael? ‘

‘Wheeeeee ‘
‘As good as that eh? Well, don’t worry at least you are doing better than Memet ‘

‘Insan Siktiir Git! Evde gidiyorsiz. Ben gideyorum ambulans ‘

‘Went to Michaels after Adı Bar, had a few cocktails but you know how Canadians need their bed at before 4am… pussies. So me and Callie kept partying and have now come to the beach at 7am for a last drink before hitting the sack ourselves hopefully. ‘ 😉

‘Poor boy, he has no idea what I have planned for him’

‘Yeah Billy, smile it up. It may be morning but the night is young. Ha ha ha.’

‘Only another 14 hours until bedtime. I will run you into the ground before I am finished with you, ha ha ha.’

The calm before the storm.

‘Ok Callie, peace out. Don’t worry I have a drinks cabinet at home. ‘

‘Callie, why are you organizing transport? ‘

11:30 am – After drinking for 13 hours conversation tends to get deep. It’s the only thing that convinces the brain that sleep cannot solve the worlds problems.

‘Callie, what have I told you about leaving your inflatable sex toys in my kitchen? I have a young son you know? ‘
“Hahahahh hahahhaha ‘

’12:30 – Time for bed methinks. 🙂 ‘
‘Little does he know. Haahhaahha Haahhhahhhaa. ‘

‘;Right Billy, pack yer bag, we’re off to Olympos ‘
‘Yeah, right. Do you think I’m off my head? ‘

‘Looks like I’m off my head. ‘

‘Either that or I’m having a brain hemorrhage. ‘

‘What’s that Callie? Wine? Second Wind? You have got to be fucking joking…………….

……apparently not. Fuck. You better make mine a large one. ‘
‘You wish. Hahahahaha hahahahaha. ‘

‘Callie, do you have a thing for dragging men to beaches or is it just me in particular? ‘

Just my luck. The father interrupts the view. 🙁

‘Christ Callie, where you been? Were you peeing for Antalya? ‘

‘Look Billy, invisible frogs ‘

‘What do you mean I am hearing things?
Watch, I’ll hook one to prove it to you. ‘

‘Relax, I’m an experienced hunter. One of these boys will bite soon. ‘

‘I am telling you there are frogs in there and I will kiss them all until I find a Prince Charming. Did I tell you that I’m lonely? ‘

‘Ah sod it, come on Billy, I’m getting thirsty, time for that second bottle of wine. This one’s special. 🙂 ‘

‘Callie, what happened to you? ‘
‘Ah’ve entered the Twilight Zone. Ma name is noo Senga. ‘

‘Are ye man enough fur the Twilight Zone, Billy? Ha ha ha ‘

‘Come and join uz on the dark side ya radge. Where angels fear tae tread and ah’m no’ talking aboot Glasgow’

‘There is fuck all any’hin tae be afraid of, trust uz. Hahha hahaha.’

‘Once I get him into my evil lair he will do whatever I say. Hahahahahaha.’

‘Right now, it’s your turn. Fuckin DRINK ya pussy’

‘Alright Senga, keep your knickers on. I get the message.’

‘Shit Senga, whit have ye done? Whit the hell was in that wine bottle? It certainly wisnae Cabernet Sauvignon’
‘Hahaha, it was my secret formula. Extra strong Buckfast and Whisky cocktail with a dash ae Haggis flavouring. Dinnae worry the effects will wear aff in aboot 6 hoors. Hahahahahah.’

‘Whit’s that funny noise a’ hear? Kinda like Trumpets playin?’

‘Hey man, this shit is mental.’

‘Hahahahahaha. I’ve cast an evil spell on ye. Ha ha. You’re a Nob and ye must do as I say if I command it tae be so. Hahahahahaha.’

‘But the potion wiz only supposed tae work on you. A’ dinnae ken why a’ feel so zombiefied. Hahahah haahhahha.’

‘Hahahaha, the joke is on ye Senga, cause a’ added some Rhypnol tae yer plastic cup while ye were laughing at me. Hahahahha. Noo whae’s laughing?’

‘Hahhahah, hilarious. Hahahaha. You got me Nob. Hahahahahaha.’

‘Aye, and noo ah’ve had ye.

“Was a’ any good?”

‘Let’s jist say ah’ve had better but ah’ll not hold that against ye.’

Gie us a kiss and we’ll call it a’ square

‘You may have won the battle Nob but I will win the war.
I command you to take off all your clothes and go for a swim right NOW.’
‘Don’t be stupid Senga, there are people everywhere……..

….fur some reason I feel like going fur a swim.’

Come on Nob, you can do it

‘Wi’ ma muscles likes knots in a midges penis.’

‘What dae ye ‘hink ae ma underwear Senga?’

‘Sexy, eh?’
‘Aye, but ye arenae any Calvin Cline model. Hahahhaha Hahahahhaa.’

‘Right, noo that a’ hiv done ma mental preperation and yoga exercises …a’ am guid tae go’

‘Are you ready Senga?’
‘Get yer arse in their noo, Nob. I command ye. Haahhahha’

‘Yee-Ha’

‘Let’s Do This!’

‘Geronimo’

‘In fur a penny….

‘In fur a pound’

‘Jesus, it’s cauld’

‘Mamma Mia’

‘Help!’

‘Help!’

‘AAArrrrggghhhh’

‘Why am I doing this again?’

‘Oh aye, Sengas Evil Spell’

‘Still, a nice day for it.’

‘Apart fae those fucking waves’

‘I want ma mammy’

‘A’ cannae feel ma legs.’

‘Ah, getting used tae it noo.’

‘It’s nae sae bad aftir a’, Peace.’

Whae’s the Faither?

‘Phprrrghhuuulgh.’

‘Hey Nob, a’ command ye tae stick yer head under fur uz. Haaahahhhaah.’

‘Right Nob, a’ hiv had ma fun, ye kin come oot noo. Hahhahhah.’

‘These fucking waves.’

‘Right, ye kin stop taking photos noo Senga.’

‘Seriously, pit that fucking thing awa’.’

‘Ah’m gonnae bust yer balls Senga.’

‘Stop laughing!!!’
‘Hahhahhahahh hahahhahhah hahahhahhaha hahahhahaha hahahahahaha.’

‘Ye ‘hink ah’m fucking jokin?’
‘Hahhahhahahh hahahhahhah hahahhahhaha hahahhahaha hahahahahaha.’

‘Whit dae ye mean ye want me tae pose fur ye? Whit the hell ye on aboot?’
‘Stand over there, a’ want a full frontal. Hahahah hahahah hhahahhahah.’

‘That’s fighting talk. Ye’ will probably pit it on facebook. Ye ‘hink ah’m daft?’
‘A’ command ye tae stand over there and pit yer thumbs up.’

‘Happy noo?’
‘Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha’
‘The water is fucking freezin, a’right?’

‘Look, here’s whit a’ ‘hink ae yoo richt noo.’
‘Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha Hhahhahaaha.’

‘Nob, that wiz so funny. Thanks darling. In return a’ will dae su’hin fur ye.’
‘Oh aye, it wiz real funny. A’ll probably never live they photos doon. Whit ye gonnae dae fur uz?’

‘Well, let’s jist say it involves naked flesh’
‘Yer toes arenae that sexy Senga. Christ they arenae even painted right.’

‘No, but ma tits are sexy baby, aren’t they?’
‘Holy Shit Senga. You mean a’ never needed tae date rape ye?’
‘Aye ye did. A’ jist like takin some sexy photos of me at the beach, ye ken, fur facebook. Ye never ken who might be lookin. So snap awa’ wee boy. Hahahah.’

‘Make sure ye get a guid yin ae ma arse.’
‘Jesus,that arse is a peach. Cheers Senga. Yer nae sae bad aftir a’. A’ is forgiven. Whit say we dae a tour ae the ancient ruins, ye up fur that?’
‘A’ dinnae ken if a wild bear shits in the woods but a’ certainly dae. Haahhaahha hhahahhaa’

‘Ah cannae make oot a single wurd Nob. Whit’s that big yin at the top?’
‘A’ believe that says Oily Pus.’

‘Dinnae worry Nob, a’ will be yer tour guide. A’ ken a’ aboot ancient shit. A’ watched a documentary on it once.’

‘Fur instance, this is an ancient large freezer. Where they used tae store chickens before they figured a way oot.’

‘Cool, but where did they used tae go fur a crap. Any ancient bogs aroond here’
‘Dinnae worry Nob, a’ ken jist the place, follow me.’

‘Here’s the yin a’ used earlier.’

‘Christ Senga, ye could hae pit the paper doon the hole.’
‘Dinnae be daft Nob, these days we hiv biodegradable wet wipes.’

‘Whit are ye lookin fur noo Senga? There arnae any ancient hunks aroond ye ken? And naebody is gonna use ma genitals to model a statue aftir.’

‘Ah’m lookin fur another place tae empty ma bladder. I luv marking ma territory.’

‘Cause ah’m just a big pussy cat at heart. Hhhaahhahahha hhahahahaha. Get it? God a’ ah’m jist so fucking funny today’
‘Aye sure Senga, jist get yer skates on cause a’ cannae see a place that sells beer aroond here.’

‘There’s boond tae be a guid spot around here somewhere’
‘Wait fur me fur fucks sake. A’ wanna get this on camera.’

‘Shit, too late. Didnae even catch a guid glimpse fur future wanking material’
‘Ha ha, ye missed me Nob. That photo would hiv went viral. Looks like you will be stuck in obscurity forever. Hahahah hahahah hahahaha.’

‘Hold on a minute Nob. A’ feel su’hin between ma legs’
‘MMmmm maybe ah’m just in time after a’

‘Hahhahah dinnae make me laugh ya eejit, ah’ve seen whit ye hiv tae offer. Hahahahahahah Hahahah. A’ jist had some leaves doon ma crotch.’

‘Me masturbating fur ye on camera? Hahahahaha hhahahhhah hahhahaha. Don’t make me laugh. A’ would rather webcam fur the whole Isle of Skye and ye ken who much a cannae stand the inhabitants of that place. Hahahaha hahahha.’

Nob, that is hilarious. A’ may hiv been drinking for 20 hoors but a’ll never be that drunk. Hahahhahha hahahhahhah

‘Bitch’

‘Right, come on. Let’s dae the culture thing. Take a photae wi’ me an’ and some rocks.’

‘Did ye capture ma guid side? These are fur ma Maw so she doesnae ‘hink a’ spend a’ ma time in the pub.’

‘Imagine a’ the bawbags, livin’ fur the day. Yoo-hoo hoo oo oo.
Come on Senga, sing along.’

‘But a’ wanna be a tour guide. Look, this must have been somebodys hoose.’

‘Ah ken ma shit, ye ken?’

‘Walk this way, a wanna show ye su’hin.’

‘Look whit a’ kin dae. HHhahhahhahha Hahahhahahahah.’
‘Aye Senga, impressive. You’ll be in the Olympic Gymnastic team next.’

‘Right Nob, a’ command ye tae get inside this hole right now.’
‘Aye? Inside what hole?’

‘”Damn. Wrong again. This wiznae the hole a’ hid in mind. A’ live in hope though, that one day a’ kin hae sex withoot havin tae drug a bird”‘

‘A’right Senga, Peace. Nae mare commands a’right?
Christ knows whit ye’ll hae me dain next!’

‘Aye, very funny Senga, very funny.’

‘A’ shouldnae hae pit ma heed upside doon like that Senga. A’ dinnae feel so guid’
‘A’ sort yersel oot ya wimp and go stand over there, a command it. Hahhahaha.’

‘Hurry up, ma legs are like jelly.’

‘Ye ‘hink mine are any better?’

‘No, but at least ye dinnae hae treble vision.’

‘Aye, is that right? Says who? Ah’ve had quadruple vision since you fed me that Rohypnol’
‘Oh aye, sorry aboot that. Jist a bit ae fun, eh?’

‘Aye, it wiz a guid laugh. Jist as well a’ cannae remember it.
Hhhahha ahhhahahahah.’

Come on Nob, give us a hand

‘Screw you bitch. You made me get ma cock out on the beach in front of children. A’ could be getting rogered in a Turkish jail right noo’
‘Don’t worry, the children couldn’t see anything, jist like the rest ae uz. Hhahhhahhahh Hahhahahah.’
‘A’ told ye that water wiz fucking cold, a’right?’

‘Ah, come on Nob, ye love me really, don’t ye?’

‘Aye, at least ye are game fur a laugh a’ suppose. Ah’ll say that fur ye.’

‘Come on then Senga, yin last photo before the cocktail wears aff.’
‘Aye, and your remote chances ae getting yer hands on ma boobies again disappear furever.’

‘Billy, can you remember anything about the last 6 hours? I remember opening the wine and then …..it’s a total blank.’

‘No, I can’t remember anything Callie. I don’t even know how we got here. You say this place is called Olympos, right? Oh well, Cheers.’

‘Come on Callie, hold your head up. You can’t be tired of taking photos, can you? I mean, that’s impossible isn’t it?’

‘Enough Billy, put it away for another day.’
‘Come on, just one more..

‘Fuck you Billy……. and the horse you rode in on’
‘Huh, well there’s gratitude for you. Goodnight Callie.’
‘Goodnight Sucker Hahhahahhaa hhaahahahha hahahhaha.’