A’ hiv written a book ae poems
Wuid ye like a sample?
Ye dinnae hae tae give me money
Yer email address is ample

The poems aw tell a’ story
The first yin bein’, ‘Cunny Funt’
Aboot ma debut attempt at comedy
Where a’ wiz the litter ae the runt

The next yin’s aboot ma ‘Rock Star’ goal
As a way tae get a sexy wife
A’ thoucht by signin’ a deal wi’ the Devil
A’d be free ae trouble an’ strife

Ye wuidnae believe the trouble a’ had
The time ma cock got incredibly itchy
When a’ chatted up the sexy nurse
She became the epitome ae bitchy

Every year at Christmas a’ get spots
But at least ma face doesnae turn blue
Remember when ye ‘hink life is shit
There is aye’ways someyin worse aff than yoo

So enter yer details in the form
An’ a’ll send ye the sample book
Hopefully ye’ll get a chuckle or twa
An’ a’ll hiv got ye by the hook

Cause really ma ultimate aim
Aftir a’ gie ye access tae ma blog
Is tae upgrade ye tae ma paid shit
An’ see whit else a’ kin flog

But we’ll no’ get intae the richt noo
A’ jist like tae pit ma cards on the table
A’m noo like the othir gurus oot there
Whae try tae sign ye up on a fable

Really though, a’ jist want tae help
Ye cuid even be ma affiliate
An’ taegethir we cuid tell the system
We nae langer wish tae associate

So a’ look forward tae seein’ ye on the inside
By that, a’ dinnae mean jail
Some ae ma members get a bit carried awa’
Aftir they hear me rant an’ wail!

Whit the hell are ye waitin’ fur?
Enter yer details below
Ye’ll get access tae ma samples
An’ we’ll aw be guid tae go!

The Photos

Funny Cunt Promos Cheers the noo!