Every day I read my daily stars
To find out what life will bring
Nearly every day Russell Grant says
I will have an extra marital fling
I hope he is right one day soon
Because my sex life is pretty boring
Nothing turns my passion off quicker
Than listening to my wife’s snoring
Johnathan Cainer on the other hand
Offers profound words of wisdom
He says I should be glad to be alive
And be thankful I have my freedom
But in his five-pointed star member’s section
He strikes a very illuminating pose
Of him pointing to his temple
The only thing missing is a rose
Annabel Burton is a nice lady
She is very down to earth
But as her predictions are only two lines long
She is coming up short on girth
Still, every week she makes a video
Each time from a different location
So in case the forecasts do not resonate
You can at least see possibilities for your next vacation
Which brings me to Susan Miller
The lady behind Astrology Zone
To come up with her monthly prediction
She must work her arms to the bone
There is so much detail in the forecast
That I am forced to nap halfway through
The last time a’ done that much reading
Was when I read,‘Winnie The Pooh’
Frank Pilkington is very well known
To the readers of the Scottish Sunday Mail
Every week his predictions
Snap the head right off the nail
It is a pity about his daily mumblings
I don’t put too much faith in them
Mind you, I read astrology forecasts religiously
So who am I to judge and condemn
Steve Judd is yer thinking man’s astrologer
His advice is indeed state of the art
When he breaks wind, it’s called flatulence
Instead of just an open-mouthed fart
Rob Brenzey is into spreading pronoia
You get to feel pretty good with him
The only problem is with the price of his audios
You would be cheaper joining a gym
Rick an’ Jeff of Tarot dot com
Have a pretty comprehensive site
I don’t know how much they make from it
But I am sure, they’re not begging at night
That just about covers my astrologers
Apart from the one I put all my faith in
If I had to make a bet on who was the best
This is the one I would put my money on to win
She has had her critics over the years
But I will say this about Septic Peg
She is a damn sight more accurate
Than the various other clones of Mystic Meg
As for Meg, who found fame on the National Lottery
She played the game well and brought her own brand of fun
But you couldn’t trust a single word she wrote
As nobody should believe anything they read in ‘The Sun’
Cheers!
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