Here are some intros a’ hiv made tae promote ma up comin’ Edinburgh Fringe show, ‘Comin’ Atcha!’
Here’s an interview a’ done fur a website cauld New Current Magazine.
How are things going, you all ready for the Fringe?
You’re jokin’ aren’t ye? A’ am aboot as ready fur the Fringe as NORAD wiz fur Rogue Planes. In theory a’ should hae it aw taegethir by noo but the truth ae it is a’ hiv only performed yin gig, a 10 minute spot at a friends birthday party, in the last year.
On top ae that a’ hiv only performed aboot 7 gigs in ma life. It’s a long story but a’ performed a few times in Scotland in 2006 and had a public ficht wi’ a promoter and so wi’ ma non-existent comedy career in tatters a’ headed aff tae live in Turkey wi’ ma Turkish noo ex-wife and son.
A’ hiv been workin’ on puttin’ a website taegethir and that has distracted me fae focusin’ on ma act. Hooever, a’ noo realise that a’ better get ma finger oor and start rehearsin’ some shit or this whole thing could go tits up! Aftir aw, whit is the point ae haein’ a website if ye are aboot as funny as cancer. Ma ex had cancer by the way and a’ kin assure ye it wiznae funny, although a’ did enjoy tryin’ on her wigs.
Have you been to the fringe before?
There arenae any comedy clubs here in Antalya so every year at the festival a’ pop back tae Edinburgh in August, fur the weather mainly cause it is way too hot here fur a Scotsman wi’ skin as white as mine and while a’ am here a’ do manage get a few open spots here and there.
This year hooever a’ thought a’ would dae ma aen show as a’ never got invited back tae the open mics yince a’ had performed at them jist cause a’ refused tae pay fur their damages. Hey, a didnae ask the audience tae riot. A’ wiz jist tryin’ tae make a point that they are aw sheeple but a’ love them anyway. Obviously, the feelin’ wiznae mutual.
Best five words that describe your show?
Inspired, Cathartic, Shambolic, Treacherous, Insane
Tell us a bit about your show, what can we expect?
Ah good. Maybe this will help me tae focus a bit. Well, let me see. A’ ‘hink it will jist be me talkin’ pish intercepted by the odd song or funny poem when the feelin’ moves me or if a’ run oot ae material or maybe even a filisofical poem if there arnae any students in. Dinnae want tae fry their wee conditioned brains too much aftir aw.
How do you write your show, what inspires you?
A’ write ma show by goin’ on stage and sayin’ the first ‘hing that comes intae ma mind. If that doesnae work at that point a’ try desperately tae remember some ae the stuff a’ had pre-prepared and then blag ma way through the rest ae the gig.
Fear ae makin’ a total tit ae masel inspires me as well as ma bank balance.
What do you think makes the Free Fringe so worthwhile?
Is that a rhetorical question? It’s free innit?
Seriously though as a performer a’ would rather pay nothin’ tae perform than fork oot thoosands ae poonds tae the larger evil venues especially when in reality a phone box may be big enough fur some ae ma gigs.
What would you want your audience to take from the show?
Hopefully nu’hin because a’ ‘hink a’ signed a contract su’hin aboot payin’ fur any lost equipment or furniture. And even though a’ hate charity collectors wi’ a passion the audience will be free or dare a’ say encouraged tae leave as much cash as they want in ma Tartan Tammy but a’ do also accept direct debit.
What advice would you give someone bringing a show to the fringe?
Basically dae everyhin’ that a’ dinnae. Write yer material aforehand. Rehearse the crap oot ae it. Play as many gigs as possilbe tellin’ each audience they are the maest beautful crowd they ever saw and alter material based on audience reaction so that by the time Edinburgh comes you could dae it backwards in yer sleep and still receive a standin’ ovation. Oh aye, and unless it is absolutely essential dinnae stick yer cock in a bricklayers pint.
So wi’ all that promotional wurk done, a’ kin sit back noo an’ expect the crowds tae flock in.
Cheers the noo!
Nob
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