Ma Dad is a bit ae a Del Boy
He used tae be a punk
But noo he subverts the system
By sellin’ lots ae junk
He manages tae make a livin’
By hangin’ aroond the dump
His profit margin is sae large
He ‘hinks he’s Donald Trump
Mind ye, a’ am usually the sucker
That buys his second hand wares
A’ hiv bought everythin’ fae him
On the basis ae “He Who Dares…”
It’s time a’ got ma arse in gear
An’ learned tae go tae the shop
Cause everythin’ a buy fae him
Turns oot tae be a flop
Fur instance, a’ wiz aftir a camcorder
Tae take on holiday wi’ ma wife
He said “Do not fret Nob son
I have got here the bargain of your life
Two hundred pound is a steal
Fur this up tae date Panasonic
And if you want tae improve your sex life
This portable screen is just the tonic”
Ma Faither has a way wi’ wurds
That a’ jist cannae shun
Even though the accessories
Weighed a bloody tonne
So a’ took aw the kit on holiday
It wiz heavier than ma case
Ma wife wiz gie’in’ me serious grief
Sayin’ a’ wiz a friggin’ disgrace
A’ humped that kit fae piller tae post
It wiznae bringin’ me much pleasure
A’ wiz supposed tae be on holiday
This wisznae fuckin’ leisure
But a’ taped some awesome scenery
In some fairly decent weathir
Ma wife even admitted the bedroom scenes
Had brought us closer taegethir
When we got back hame
A’ sat doon tae watch it wi’ a beer
But aw that appeared wiz ma Dad
On holiday in Tangier
A’ left it runnin’ fur forty minutes
But the tape wiz aw the same
Ma Dad then says, “This things goosed;
I am going to sell it when I get hame”
The bastard had stitched me up again
This time guid an’ proper
Twa hun’er poond up the swanny
It wiznae worth a copper
A’ wiz on the blower straight awa’
But ma Dad doesnae dae guarantees
A’ said “But it wiz broke when a bought it”
He said he, “strongly disagrees”
“But a’ve got ye on tape
Sayin’ ye were goin’ tae sell it when ye got hame”
But ma Dad is like a politician
He has nae sense ae guilt or shame
He said it doesnae matter whit he’d said
The ‘hing wiz workin’ fine
If he’d managed tae record himsel’
Then surely the problem wiz mine
A’ suppose he had a point
A’ had tae gie him that
Maybe a’ didnae switch it on richt
A’ve got a history ae being a twat
A’ didnae hae the heart
Tae try it oot again
A’ threw the lot in the bin
It had caused me tae much pain
Six months doon the road
Su’hin happened that wiz quite ironic
A’ needed a camcorder fur ma holiday.. ..an’ guess what?
Aye, that’s richt, ma Dad sold me that Panasonic
Cheers the noo!
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