Greetin’s, an’ cheers fur takin’ the time tae peruse ma book
A’ ken it’s no’ as much fun as gettin’ yer furst look
But in a wurld where reflection time is few an’ far between
Please invest in ma wurds an’ see whit ye kin glean
A’ wish this book contained the answers tae aw’body’s dream
Then we wuidnae feel the need tae shout an’ fuckin’ scream
The irony bein’ that we hae the answers aw alang
It’s jist that some ae uz drink beverages that are way tae strang
Whit ye are aboot tae read shuid be treated like a treat
Ye are rewardin’ yersel’ fur pittin’ up yer feet
Switch yer wi-fi aff, if ye are yin ae the mobile crew
So ye kin be free ae that book, where aw the faces spew
We are goin’ on a ride taegethir, intae the mists ae time
Tae the ‘noo’, where a’ wrote the wurds, an’ forced the dodgy rhyme
A’ didnae plan whit tae write, the saliva jist poured out
A’ wiz jist there tae catch it an’ funnel it doon the spout
If ye feel the luv perhaps ye kin tell aw yer friends
That ye ken a crazy dude whae hiz probably got, ‘The Bends’
But that he writes wicked poetry an’ needs loads ae cash
Fur hoo else is he goin’ tae pay fur his next stash ae hash?
Hopefully yoo an’ they will at least get a hearty chuckle
Maybe even yin or twa poems will even mak ye buckle
If ye want some mare ae me, ye kin join ma VIP membership site
Jist be warned that ower there, a’ talk even mare total shite
But it is a place fur me tae connect wi’ ma fans
Cause on aw othir social sites aw a’ get is bans
But if ye hae a brain we kin chew the banter
An’ a’ willnae need tae turn intae a troll destroyin’ ranter
So tak a deep breath afore ye dive straight in
If su’hin triggers ye, dinnae immediately throw the book in the bin
A’m sure ye kin tell by noo, yer in fur a hellae a ride
Ye may as well enjoy it, like ye wuid a new bride
Cheers the noo!
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