We were the young team, proud tae be fuckin’ mental
Oor kindae crazy wiz tae push fun tae the absolute max
It started wi’ the bevvy then on tae the hash an’ grass
Tae fuel oor partyin’ an’ tak the pressure ae life aff oor backs
Then intae the yooth culture su’hin major erupted
A psychoactive drug hit the streets that made ye dance
We started goin’ tae secret undergroond rave parties
Swallowin’ sweeties which pit ye intae a hypnotic trance
A’ usually only took yin ae the smartees tae last aw nicht
But at a particularly mental nicht at Ayr Pavillion
A’ wiz haein’ a guid nicht but a’ wanted tae go higher
So a’ took anothir skittle, an’ became a demented civilian
As a’ wiz dancin’ like an epileptic fit the rave ended abrubtly
A’ didnae check the time afore neckin’ it doon
Noo a’ wiz comin’ up on a second dancin’ biscuit
In ma mates car goin’ hame, a’ wiz bringin’ the posse doon
They jist wanted tae chill an’ listen tae ‘Little Fluffy Clouds’
But a’ couldnae stop masel fae jabberin’ a load ae pish
At times a’ even bored masel wi’ the garbage a’ wiz spoutin’
Tae stop ma jaw fae movin’ wiz the collective’s fervent wish
They were pretty relieved when they dropped me aff
At fower in the mornin’, ma nicht wiz jist kickin’ intae gear
Gettin’ back tae ma flat, a’ realised hoo melted a’ wiz
A’ had nevir talked tae Bez in ma poster, aftir jist twa beer
Sunday mornin’, bringin’ the dawn in, on hypo
Ma mates had abandoned ship, so a’ stuck on, ‘The Mondays’
Twenty fower hour party people livin’ it large
A’d rathir ae been chillin’ than settin’ ma livin’ room flaer ablaze
A’d had the pills, enjoyed the thrills an’ wiz used tae the bellyaches
But that second white dove wiz to’ally uncawed fur
Bez wiz noo tellin’ me that a’ needed tae fuckin’ calm doon
Comin’ fae him a’ took it as a’ bit ae a wake up slur
So a’ turned the W.F.L volume doon fae eleven
Ma freaky dancin’ had worn ma smiley face carpet oot
Intae the kitchen where me an’ ma mates dae oor bitchin’
But this time a’ had nae choice but tae go doon the solo route
A’ talked aboot masel behind ma aen turned back
Cawin’ masel a’ prick while a’ inhaled many a hot knife
Each yin sent ma mind intae hyper space overdrive
At yin point a’ even started ‘hinkin’ that a’ needed a wife
A’ needed tae mellow oot aftir haein’ ma melon sae twisted
So a’ took ma spot on the sofa in front ae the stereo
This time takin’ the speakers doon an’ pittin’ yin by each ear
The molly had peaked an’ a’ wiz noo in the soothin’ aftirglow
A’ had a guid collection ae classic albums a’ cuid chose fae
Listen Without Prejudice, I Don’t Want What I Haven’t Got
Screamadelica, Meddle, Happy Sad, tae name but a few
In the end only Astral Weeks cuid hit ma raw tender spot
A’ needed tae be born again jist like a fallen ballerina
Madame George soothed ma soul while doon in the valley
Driftin’ aff tae sleep like a slim slow slider wiz a sweet ‘hing
A’ awoke swearin’ a’d nevir go doon anithir candy blind alley
If only a’ listened tae ma aen wurds ae wisdom
In a’ way a’ did, as a nevir had anothir scooby snack
Instead a’ moved on tae consumin’ copious amoonts ae acid
Which went a fair way tae makin’ ma sanity jist aboot crack
Yin ae the young team had wrote some songs on guitar
An’ asked me tae join him in a bid fur rock superstardom
A’ couldnae play any instrument but wanted the lifestyle
Wiznae rock’n’roll primarily aboot relievin’ the boredom?
Aftir a year ae hittin’ the space paper every day we were aff
Ma mates heed splintered an’ in popped lots ae strange voices
He got medical retirement wi’ a healthy pension tae match
A’ had tae keep soldierin’ on, regrettin’ a lot ae past choices
Ma brain wiznae far awa’ fae the point ae nae return itsel’
A’ had tae somehoo reel masel back fae the border line
Oor imaginary band split up when we had a drug fuelled ficht
An’ he got married jist tae spite me, cause that idea wiz mine
A’ thoucht a’d got revenge cause a’ had his Rolling Stones ticket
An’ offered it tae a burd a’d picked up the nicht afore the gig
Yin year an’ twelve days later a’ wiz standin’ at the aisle
The huge mistake in front ae me a’ wiz jist aboot tae twig
Nae long aftir the ceremony a’ sensed su’hin wiz up
When she accused me ae disappearin’ fae her possessive glare
Tae hae gay sex wi’ a mate, while she wiz abandoned
A’ didnae ‘hink Jim wiz sexy, even wi’ his kilt an’ nae underwear
The honeymoon pit furthir doobts intae ma panickin’ heed
She pissed me aff nearly every time we tried tae talk
A’ wiz beginnin’ tae realise jist exactly whit a’d done
A’ wiz lookin’ fur a short pier where a’ cuid tak a long walk
Instead ae bowin’ oot gracefully a’ tried tae mak a go ae it
Aftir a couple ae years when ‘hings wernae pannin’ oot well
A’ remembered hoo much fun a’d had takin’ aw that LSD
So a’ telt her it wuid help tae mak oor relationship go swell
She claimed the acid had nae effect on her whitsovir
A’m guessin’ she wiz awready three sheets tae the wind
The next day she wiz actin’ strange an’ a’ began tae worry
A’ didnae want tae go back tae jist eatin’ food that wiz tinned
It slowly began tae dawn on me that she had went fuw mental
An’ it wiz noo ma job tae get her some medical attention
A’ dinnae ken why a’ didnae jist phone an ambulance
Instead ae tryin’ tae deal wi’ her mind in the fourth dimension
She started speakin’ in a language a’d never heard afore
At that point a’ wiz sure she wiz possessed by the devil
When she threw her wedding ring intae oor wheely bin
Part ae me wanted tae start a party an’ begin tae revel
When a’ got her tae a doctor she climbed oot his windae
A’ wiz impressed wi’ her evacuation, a’ must admit
Yin positive ae chasin’ her aroond the surgery car park
It made me realise that a’ had become seriously unfit
Eventually a’ managed tae grab her an’ hauld her doon
While the medics injected a’ shot ae su’hin poo’erful
A’ tried tae get a look at the name ae the drug on the bottle
As the effect it had on her looked bloody wun’erful
She calmed richt doon an’ her eyes went aw glazed
A’ ‘hink the demon inside didnae like the medication
It decided tae lie low fur a while but a’ kent it wuid return
At least she followed instructions wi’oot major aggravation
Back in ma purely drinkin’ an’ smokin’ days a’ met a burd
Whae wiz a trainee nurse an’ we slow danced tae, ‘Crazy’
A’ telt her that a’ had jist purchased the Patsy song’s reissue
Fur some reason this made her wet knickers get lazy
A’ took her back tae ma flat where we did the wild ‘hing
Never did a’ ‘hink a’ wuid benefit fae ma mothir’s music taste
Every Sunday a’ wiz brainwashed by fower hoors ae ‘Barry Country’
A’ thoucht if a’ shared that wi’ a burd a’d forevir live in chaste
A’ nevir arranged tae meet her again but a’ did in fact dae so
When the ambulance got tae the mental ward she greeted us
It took me a while tae realise here is whit a’ could ae won
When it finally dawned ye should hae seen the look on ma pus
Hoo ironic it wiz that a’ noo had a wife that wiz officially nuts
Life sometimes fucks wi’ yer heed in a way that isnae real
A’ couldnae look the noo qualified nurse in the eye
While a’ explained a’ gave ma wife acid tae help oor relationship heal
Fur a number ae years later a’ tried tae live up tae ma vows
Nursin’ ma wife through various doons an’ mare doons
They practically gave her a key tae that part ae the hospital
Where none ae the patients can eat wi’ any’hin but spoons
The marriage wiz goin’ tits up so a’ sent her back tae her parents
A’ wiz enjoyin’ ma freedom an’ no’ feelin’ the least bit blue
When she gave me a caw an’ telt me hoo she really felt
But a’ hink, ‘Are ye fuckin’ mental?’, came oot as ‘A’ luv yoo too’
Nae soonir had she returned an’ she wiz plannin’ a baby
A’ probably should hae stopped tae consider the ramifications
It is hard enough bringin’ a bairn up in this fucked up world
Wi’oot a series ae mental breakdoons bein’ yer foondations
Christ kens hoo a’ hiv nevir ended up bein’ sectioned masel
A’m sure a’ lot ae folk ‘hink that a’m a stark ravin’ looney
A’ jist ‘hink life should be fun but everyin’ is sae fuckin’ glum
Maest even look borin’ compared tae Wayne Rooney
Aftir gettin’ her pregnant a’ decided tae fuck aff abroad
A’ got accepted fur a job tae be a hotel entertainer in Spain
But a’ lost the job noo lang aftir she followed me oot there
As the hotel manager said her antics were becomin’ a pain
She wiz panickin’ aboot haein’ the bairn in a foreign country
A’ wiz shittin’ masel aboot hoo a’ wiz goin’ tae pay fur this sprog
She had the wean but then couldnae deal wi’ the actual reality
Sendin’ her mind intae anothir deep dark familiar fog
She went tae hospital fur a week an’ a’ wiz again left alane
Except this time a’ had a six week auld boy tae feed
He wiz cryin’ at nicht when he couldnae latch ontae a tit
But a’ solved that by mixin’ his baby formula wi’ weed
Aftir getting’ oot the ward she got diagnosed wi’ lymphoma
When gettin’ a check up done aftir the birth operation
It’s a lang story, that wuid mak ye greet but a’ll cut it short
Let’s jist say that aw this trauma wiznae dain’ much fur ma erection
Aftir she got ower the cancer, it wiz time fur anothir break
It wiz her back she broke, aftir bein’ sectioned again
That wiz the straw that also broke mine an’ the camel’s too
The weddin’ rocked but the aftirmath had been nu’hin but pain
We dae hae yin ‘hing tae show fur aw the regrets an’ mistakes
Somehoo’ we managed tae bring up a lovely young lad
He gets his guid looks an’ cheeky backchat fae his mothir
Even though a’ve made many fuck ups, a’ hope he’s prood ae his dad
A’ often wu’ner whit wuid hae happened if a’ took a different path
No’ gettin’ lured in by the rave lichts an’ the rock’n’roll myth
If a’ had stayed on the straight an’ narrae an’ used ma brain
Maybe a’ wuid noo be kent as Scotland’s finest wurdsmith
But instead a’ chose tae live in the moment an’ experience life
A’ cannae change whit hiz been done, it will furevir be
done
The ‘hing aboot me is that a’ dinnae ‘hink we are here tae ficht
A’ believe we kin avoid the need fur drink an’ drugs if we aw chose tae hae fun
Will it tak a major event in the future fur us aw tae wake up?
Or will we start tae mak better choices fur better consequences?
A’ dinnae believe the future ae oor personal or collective lives
Can be improved any furthir by increasin’ politicians expenses
The party doesnae need tae evir end, every day can be a celebration
When a’ look at people a’ hiv a lot ae empathy fur hoo they feel
Trapped in their aen mind, usually through imaginary fear
They ‘hink that tae be happy they need tae score anothir deal
When ye hiv pit yersel through the mill an’ came oot the othirside
The fear ae the wurst happenin’ doesnae hae the same poo’er
An’ a kin tell ye aftir aw a’ hiv been through, the best is yet tae come
Yin day everyin will see we are here tae blossom jist like a lotus floo’er
So go live yer life an’ mak some stories, maybe ye’ll hae grandkids
Ye kin sit them on yer knee an’ tell them ae yer crazy actions
Dinnae get sidetracked wi’ othir people’s agendas or nonsense
Or even pay attention tae the mainstream waffle an’ distractions
Yer life is the event an’ ye hiv got a front row seat
Hoo dae ye want yer show tae go? Are ye goin’ tae be the star?
Will ye play the villian or the guid geezer whae plays it straight?
Aw a’ kin tell ye is keep goin’ an’ ye will nae doobt get very far
When ye are on yer deathbed or jist aftir yer last breath
Will ye be able tae say that ye grabbed life by the baws?
Or will ye feel that ye led a life ae conformity an’ restriction
Because ye follae’ed aw ae society’s superficial laws?
A’ hiv had some adventures as a’m sure ye kin tell by noo
At the time some were not ideal an’ a’ thoucht they’d never end
Aw a’ kin say is that a’ hope aw the pain a’ inflicted on othirs
Willnae stop them on the othir side fae bein’ ma eternal friend
In the meantime, we’ve got tae keep livin’ this godforsaken life
Wunderin’ if oor leaders are goin’ tae offer any solution
A’ ‘hink we aw ken the answer tae oor predicament
It’s time tae remove them fae office in order tae stop oor devolution
Fur jist like a marriage that isnae goin’ hoo ye expected
Sometimes it is best jist tae cut the ties that bind
Then ye willnae need tae spend the rest ae yer existence
Goin’ to’ally an’ completely oot ae yer fuckin’ mind
Cheers the noo!
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