So if ye read the previous blog ye will ken that me and Natasha were in Fethiye fur a couple ae days and then we decided tae visit Ölü Deniz and Hisaronu tae see if there were many British tourists there, or mare tae the point, any Karaoke bars where a’ could strut ma stuff.
A’ got talking tae a French geezer on the bus whae telt me ae his plans were tae stay in Ole Deniz and jist get the bus tae Hisaronu in the evenings fur the nichtlife. A’ had tae agree that wiz a guid plan as the beach in Ole Deniz is superb and Natasha loves the beach, so a’ would be in her guid books fur a start and believe me that brings it’s aen rewards. 😉
On getting’ aff the bus we went straight tae the information office tae get a recommendation fur a reasonably priced, aricht…….cheap as chips, hotel. The guy recommended yin fur 30 Lira per person per nicht and showed us a brochure ae it and it looked lovely. He gave them a phone and they said they had a room and so aff we went tae find it.
Hooever, on arrivin’ we were telt that the room wouldnae be ready fur a couple ae hoors which pissed me aff a little bit but seein’ as the burd was quite nice we decided tae leave the bags there and head aff tae the beach ’till it wiz ready.
Natasha was in Beach Heaven as it really is a gorgeous spot there and there wiz plenty ae big waves so we were like a couple ae kids getting thrown aboot by the waves fur a guid 30 minutes. The water wiz fuckin freezin’ by the way. A’ dinnae ken why in June FFS, but it wiz. Still, it aw adds tae the raw fun, eh?
Paragliding In Ölü Deniz
In Ole Deniz there are Paragliders flyin’ above yer heed aw day and landin on the beach.
A’ had actually been there aboot 12 years previously wi’ ma wife at the time.
Natasha wiz keen tae gie it a go and so even though a’ still had a sare back, a’ couldnae exactly back oot. So we went tae check oot the prices and choose which guys tae go wi’.
We got the price fae yin team but wernae that impressed by their attitude so went tae the next team whae called themselves Easy Gliders. The price and attitude wiz guid and so we arranged tae get picked up at the hotel aboot an hoor later and no’ fae the main pick up point, savin ourselves a 10 minute walk in the process. Mare brownie points wi’ Natasha fur that yin.
We went back tae the hotel and thankfully oor room wiz ready, so we took a shower and had a wee smoke afore goin’ tae get the bus. A’ took ma music player wi’ me as a’ intended tae play it in the air on the way doon but the guys in the bus spotted it and asked me tae play it on the bus. Nae problem. So we had ma tunes blastin’ oot as we drove up this 6000 feet high mountain.
A’ believe a’ hae a special connection wi’ ma MP3 player. Afore a’ go anywhere a’ jist chuck a few folders ae music on there and trust it will be the richt music fur the richt time and ye wouldnae believe hoo often the music perfectly suits the situation a’ am in. Natasha is constantly astoonded by this an’ aw’.
Fur instance this time as we climbed the mountain, yin song aftir the other we got, Elton John’s Rocket Man, wi’ the words ‘a will be high as a kite by then’. Followed by Jackie Wilson’s, Higher and Higher, then The Troggs Wild Thing and lastly as we approached the top ae the mountain Stevie Wonder’s Higher Ground! Nuts. Eh? Aw we needed wiz Van Halen’s ‘Jump‘ and the set would ae been complete!
As we were getting’ higher and higher Natasha wiz beginnin’ tae panic a bit cause she is scared ae flyin’ and this wiz flyin’ withoot a plane engine tae keep ye in the air! Only a thin piece ae material seperates life fae death! She wiz considerin’ getting the bus back doon but yince ye are oot the bus the guys dinnae fuck aroond, although there is aye’ways time tae grab a quick photae.
Before Natasha kent it she was strapped up and runnin’ aff the mountain and airborne before she could say ‘Yoo take the High Road and a’ll take the Low Road.’
Yince ye are in the air there is fuck all else tae dae but relax and enjoy it.
Well, that is the theory anyway but if ye check oot the video below ye will see ma pilot, Ercan, decided tae fuck wi’ me a great deal. Mental doesnae even come close tae describin’ the experience. When she looked ower at uz Natasha thought a’ wiz freefallin’ tae a certain death and a’ thought a’ wiz masel.
Let’s jist say that aftir a landed a’ had tae empty ma underwear and if ye ken whit Turkish toilets are like, ye will ken hoo difficult that procedure wiz.
Natasha wiz as high as a kite on the adrenalin rush that Paragliding provides and even though a’ wouldnae like tae dae it if the conditions werenae exactly richt, as long as ye are in good hands it is su’hin a thoroughly recommend gien’ a bash at least yin time, if ye kin.
A totally awesome experience as a’ am sure the videos below proves beyond doobt.
First Night in Hisoronu
So with that experience in the bank we went fur dinner at a nice Mexican place where a’ got friendly wi’ the waiter and owner which led tae me copyin the full contents ae ma mp3 player ontae their computer so they could play in the restaurant. They offered uz a large freshly squeezed Orange Juice tae return the favour. Awesomeness!
A’ wiz a bit worried aboot whit was on the mp3 stick though and had tae double check there wiznae any private stuff if ye catch ma drift. 😉
Ye cannae be too careful these days but the way ma career is goin’, a’ am contemplatin shootin a porn movie and releasin’ it ontae the net masel! A’ am tryin’ tae garner any interest whitsoever in the Nob but fur the time bein’ a will put that idea on the back burner although granted, a’ am getting mare and mare fond ae getting ma kit aff and goin’ fur a dip naked in the sea at any opportunity these days. A’ lost a’ teachin’ job fur postin’ the photaes ae that on facebook. Some folks didnae get the joke obviously.
So aftir dinner we got changed and caught the bus up the hill tae Hisaronu which is basically party central fur British lager louts, so a’ felt richt at hame.
We walked aroond a bit lookin fur a suitable bar tae hae oor first drink in and eventually settled on Hustlers as they were playin’ a tune a liked. That is hoo a judge a bar. Not by hoo busy it is or whit the décor is like but if a’ will be able tae at least tolerate the music fur mare than 5 minutes.
It has tae be said though that the toon wiznae as busy as it wiz when a’ wiz there 12 years ago. They are definitely feelin the knock on affect ae the British economy slumpin’ which makes the job ae the bar staff there aboot 10 times harder, but they still put on a happy face.
Basically every bar there has aboot 4 or 5 young guys whaes job it is tae dance like Monkeys and make everyin’ feel like they are haein’ the time ae their lives, even though they themselves are obviously hatin’ it underneath.
A’ got talkin’ tae some ae them and they hae tae day it every day fur 7 months withoot a break! That is a tough job. It’s bad enough bein’ at work but pretendin’ ye are happy as fuck when ye are there is a level ae commitment that a’ could never aspire tae in a million years.
A’ suppose they get their fair share ae pussy tae make up for it. At least a’ am guessin there must be a beneficial side affect that makes them dae it. A’ ken they chase pussy cause yin ae them let it slip that Natasha is very commited tae me. A’ asked him how he kent that and he disappeared pretty fast. Natasha telt me he wiz chattin’ her up on her way tae the toilet. Whit a bastard!
Still a’ cannae talk, cause a’ chatted Natasha up directly in front ae her boyfriend and then kissed her wi’ him nae mare than 5 feet awa while lookin’ ower ma shoulder occasionally jist in case there wiz a bottle headin’ in ma direction. A’ will fill ye in wi’ the details on that story when a’ get aroond tae it at some point but a’ kin assure ye, it’s a cracker!
Bar Top Dancing Nob
So back tae Hustlers where the admirable bar staff were up on the bar dancin’ awa’ pretendin’ they were haein’ a jolly auld time so obviously it wiz ma duty tae ask if a’ could join them and proceeded tae strut ma stuff. A’ wiz shittin’ masel that a’ wiz goin’ tae fall aff the bar and dae masel a serious injury but a’ still had tae try a few wee fancy moves a’ the same. Yep, ye kin check oot ma moves below.
Aftir it wiz ower a lady whae absolutely loved ma performance called me ower tae her table. Her partner wiz takin’ a leak at the time. She asked me if a’ wiz fae Newcastle and a’ said politely ‘Er, no, I am fae Scotland’ ‘hinkin’ tae masel that a’ thought the tartan outfit gave it awa’ a wee bit as well as the lack ae Geordie accent. Way ay, man. Anyway we had a nice chat and a’ sat doon again wi’ Natasha.
Aftir her partner returned she came up tae me aw apologetic sayin ‘Oh my god, how did I not know you were from Scotland? Etc’ Her partner who was dressed in a Newcastle football strip wiz haein’ a great laugh at her expense and we aw joined in the joke.
Then a’ said tae him, ‘and so where are you fae mate, Scotland?’ Oh, and hoo we laughed. 😉
Turkish Dancers
Aftir ma wee dance in Hustlers we decided tae check oot some mare ae the bars but walked straight intae these dancers who were preparin’ tae go on stage in aboot 5 minutes so we got a couple ae photaes and telt them we would hae a quick smoke and come back tae see the show which we duly did.
Ok, fair enough, it wiz never gonnae be a top level professional show but a’ thought it wiz pretty guid aw the same. So much so that a’ wiz only gonnae video yin ae their dances tae gie ye an idea and a’ ended up videoin’ four ae them which ye kin check oot below if ye so desire.
Song One
Song Two
Song Three
Song Four
Knife Man and Aslı
There wiz yin part ae the show that wiz particularly excitin’ not least fur the poor lady whae wiz plucked fae the audience tae be the Guinea Pig. This guy threw 6 fairly large and very pointy knives fae his mooth while blindfolded ontae a board placed above her stomach. Seriously, if this guy fucked up she would be seriously damaged. Fortunately it went well and she survived in yin piece.
Ye kin watch it below, includin’ at then end, a wee interview wi the lady in question, Aslı.
Hamish McTurk
Aftir the dance show we walked aroond a bit lookin’ fur or mare like listenin’ fur the next suitable bar fur us tae settle doon in fur a while. As per usual ye get every man and his dog tryin’ tae get ye interested in either their bar, restaurant, goods or even scissors! By that a’ mean a’ even got offered a few haircuts but a’ telt them they couldnae improve on perfection.
There wiz yin company that stood oot, well at least fur me anyway, and that wiz Hamish McTurk travel agency.
The young guy in the photae wi’ me if a’ remember correctly is Hamish’s nephew and he wiz keen tae show uz a picture ae Hamish himself, whae ye kin see below.
A’ dinnae ken if Hamish still works there, a’ ‘hink he does but he wiznae there that nicht so we couldnae meet the man in question so a’ couldnae ask him aboot his heritage and if he had Scots blood in him but a’ believe he does.
Apparently the company has been goin’ quite a long time and they did appear tae be quite professional although they did lose interest a bit when they got the message that we wernae goin’ tae be takin’ any ae their tours.
We did say if we were goin’ tae take a tour we would take theirs and if a’ return there and want tae dae the Island Hoppin’ Boat Trip or whitever we will keep oor wurd as they seemed like a decent crew and a’ am a man ae honour, lest ye forget. 🙂
Music Duo Singalong
So we walked back along the street still listenin’ fur guid tunes and heard a music duo play ‘Let It Be’. Well, that wiz that. We walked in and ordered a beer and anither Long Island Iced Tea fur the lady.
The lady singer could see that we were up fur the party and so she asked if we wanted dance music. A’ said, “Sure, bring it on” but they burst intae some cheesy crap that a’ certainly wiznae gonnae dance tae.
They recognised we were a’ bit mare cultured than yer average Disco Betty so they cut it short and burst intae Johnny Be Goode. Yep, that’ll get me every time. A’ wiz up aff ma chair and shakin’ ma booty afore ye could say ‘Be-Bop-A-Lula’.
Natasha joined in the fun and then a’ wiz invited tae sing. The rock chick singer loved the interaction between us but the audience were a bit uptight and only yin or twa ae them got intae the spirit tae clap along. Poor punters. Dinnae ken hoo tae let go and enjoy themselves…even on holiday. Either that or ma singin’ wiz too painful fur them, which if ye watch the video below, ye will see is perfectly understandable. Lol.
A’ kin follow the wurds on a Karaoke nae problem but when it is a guitar and words written doon a’ need tae practice a few times afore a’ master the song so excuse ma lack ae professionalism as a struggled manfully through the songs as best a’ could. Fair play, it isnae exactly Vegas so a’ ‘hink a’ kin be excused and a’ wiz fairly pished and aw by that point.
While Natasha wiz sittin’ doon singin’ along, a young guy came up tae her and started talkin’ in her ear. When a’ returned she telt me he said, ‘Your boyfriend is totally insane!’.
Ok, so he isnae the first and a’ dare say he winnae be the last tae utter that statement aboot me. Personally, a’ ‘hink a’ am sane and everyin else is fuckin’ nuts but then again, a’ would, wouldnae a’?
Singer Interview
Never yin tae miss an opportunity tae chat tae a hot bird, a’ invited the singer fur a quick interview ootside the pub. It turns oot she is in a relationship wi’ the guitar player and they hiv been taegethir fur 8 years. We then had a brief chat wi’ the manager Jan as well as a’ ‘hink he wiz feelin’ a bit left oot.
End Ae First Night
We did gotae anothir bar aftir that yin. The yin where the staff wiz tryin’ tae chat up Natasha a’ telt ye aboot earlier. It wiz advertised as a Karaoke bar but it wiz nae such ‘hing. Jist anither bar playin’ crap music of which a’ kin stand fur aboot yin drink in afore a’ hae tae leave.
When Natasha wiz getting’ chatted up on the way tae the bog, a’ got chattin’ tae the four birds sat at the table opposite me. They had yin ae they big hubble bubble pipes and were smokin’ flavoured tobacco. A’ had aye’ways wanted tae try that and so a’ asked if a’ could and hae presto a’ wiz blowin’ Apple Tinged Smoke in nae time. A’ hiv tae say it wiz pretty tasty. A’ liked it and if ye get the chance ye should gie it a bash fur sure. A’ dinnae ken why they dinnae use it in cigarettes.
We went lookin’ fur a real Karoake bar and were guided tae yin at the top ae the street. On the way we popped intae anither bar as they were playin’ some funky tunes so me and Natasha had a wee dance and were interrupted by a young dude who came up tae me and said ‘Your dance moves on the bar in Hustlers earlier were amazin’, man.’
A’ jist said ‘Thanks. It is nice tae be appreciated’.
We foond this other bar and there wiz indeed Karaoke and a’ put ma name doon but they played aboot 4 songs in between every singer and when the same singer came on again fur the second time afore me a’ said ‘fuck this fur a laugh’ and left. There wiz a principle at stake aftir aw.
We then had the munchies and went tae a cafe fur a bite tae eat. A’ made a big deal that a’ wanted Brown Sauce on ma chips and the waiter duly came up wi’ some.
Hooever, he never telt me aboot the Gravy that wiz tae follow.
It wiz probably jist some Oxo cubes but at that time it tased awesome! Ye ken that way when ye are starvin’ and even dried crackers set yer taste buds alicht, aye? Well, it wiz like that times a billion.
In the cafe they had a sign that said su’hin like ‘Breakfast – 5 Quids’. Of course, me bein’ the numpty that a’ am a’ had tae point oot it wiz 5 Quid not 5 Quids, not realisin’ that of course it is a gimmick tae get people talkin’ as they walk past so they kin be dragged in tae eat there. Doh!
Btw, the bird ye kin see ower ma shoulder in the video below’s name is Fiona. A’ wiz tae meet her the next night and funnily enough she noticed us filmin’ and talkin’ aboot Gravy!!
Walkin’ aroond the toon aftir that wiz quite funny as nearly every second shop had some kind ae deliberate spellin mistake. Nu’hin like milkin’ a guid idea, eh?
It wiz gone 3am at this point so we had missed the last bus but it wiz only 15 lira fur a taxi back tae Ölü Deniz, so nae tae bad and much better than walkin’ especially in oor condition.
The Photaes
Check oot day twa ae ma Olu Deniz visit on ma next blog.
Cheers the noo!
Nob
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