It was around about this time that I decided to finish with my girlfriend. I had been going out with her for nearly two years, but my friends were telling me that she looked like Gail Tilsley from Coronation Street and eventually peer pressure won as no-one wants to date Gail Tilsley.
I reckon they were jealous as she was a wee darling and on hindsight, I did treat her quite badly. I basically used her to discover all about sex, but as soon as I got through the whole basic repertoire and eventually managed to get my cum in her mouth, that was it, it was over. I threw her away like an old smelly sock.
Maybe things could have been different if she never ran to the toilet and spat it out. If only she swallowed … like any good girl should, we could maybe still be together.
But then you wouldn’t get to hear the insanity of the rest of my life story, so I guess it was for the best, at least for entertainment purposes. No-one wants to read about a content boring bastard.
I didn’t realise in those days that anal sex was an option or our relationship may have lasted a little bit longer, at least until I’d stabbed her brown eye a few times.
It would have been way too far of a stretch to aim for ass to mouth. In fact, that was considered disgusting back then and to be honest, I haven’t changed my opinion but in today’s society, apparently, it’s considered normal.
Children in school lessons are exposed to ass to mouth bukkakes from about the age of sex, sorry six. It is a sad state of affairs.
After dumping her, I thought my life would become one big shagfest. How wrong I was. I spent the next year or so, phoning her up every night I was drunk, which was nearly every night, pleading for her to take me back.
But every time she just played that Beautiful South song, ‘I’ve Had A Little Time’, down the phone line to me. ‘You had a little time, and you had a little fun, didn’t ya, didn’t ya? When you had yours do you think I had none? Do ya? Do ya?’
Then she would laugh hysterically before hanging up the phone. Well, nobody likes a smart-arse, do they? Fuckin’ bitch. The grass indeed isn’t always greener.
Cheers!
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