How to begin?
Shall I show you the real me?
Or shall I drink gin?
Do you think you can handle
The full effect of me?
I am prepared to show you
Just what I can be
I can be a monster
Just ask my ex-wife
I can be a romantic
I’d give gilf’s the kiss of life
I sometimes try to be funny
But I’ve got so dry a sense of humour
Even Bernard Manning wished
That I’d get a tumour
I try to contain
My twisted brain
But words always come out
To prove I’m insane
I’ve upset so many apple carts
People run away when they see me
It’s a pity that to succeed in life
They all show solidarity
For that leaves me hanging
By a very thin thread
Now that I am blogging
They’ll probably wish I was dead
Cause I have this tendency
To speak my mind
Please forgive my naivety
I’m just trying to be kind
For this world would be simpler
If we faced up to the truth
That lying to protect fragile egos
Keeps our love bonds aloof
I wish I could write blogs
In the bog-standard fashion
But my life is so boring
I can’t muster the passion
Or maybe that’s just my nature
As a white Scottish man
To cover up my insecurities
With an all-over fake tan
So I hope we can be friends
As we explore my crap
I have so much to offer
My arse is on tap
Feel free to drink
From the well of my words
If you want to know where I get them
Ask the bees and the birds
I think that is enough
Of an introduction for you
Congratulations if you’ve read this far
You are now one of the unchosen few
Cheers!
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