In Scotland I used to perform stand up comedy
I wasn’t the best but certainly not the worst
But every time I almost got ahead in the game
Something happened to convince me I was cursed
It started when I got banned from the main club
By performing a set that the university students had loved
Three days later I repeated my internet wanking sketch
But was taken aback when from the stage I was shoved
From then on I experimented with different sets
Trying to find my voice and make my comedy work
Sometimes I would be hilariously funny and win fans
Other times the audience thought I was a complete jerk
I didn’t see the point of repeating the same old shit
But other wannabee comics did and for that they got ahead
I preferred being real and speak my truth in the moment
Although on occasion I did almost end up stone cold dead
I discovered that people don’t like to hear the truth
They prefer to remain ignorant of the hard facts of life
Whereas I like to dig deep into the forces that control
To expose the media, freemasonic Illuminati and my wife
One time I got into a public altercation with a promoter
Who had cut short my set in his ‘Beat The Gong’ competition
He instructed the judges to hold up their yellow cards
So to bring him to his knees became my life mission
I managed that quite well but it also killed my career
Non-existent though it was before the Grand Gong Finale
I made sure I went out in a puff of tartan smoke
Then disappeared into the night through a blind alley
Cheers!
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