It is Valentines Day the ‘morrow,
we are aw suppossed tae show oor love
Tae the special yin in oor life,
the yin whae was sent doon fae above
But a’ am afraid a’ hiv outgrown,
these childish customs we aw share
So a’ winnae buy mine flooers or chocolates,
or even compliment her hair
A’ winnae tell her that a’ love her,
fur a’ am no’ even sure a’ do
Aftir 12 years ae marriage,
a’ cannae remember oor last screw
If truth be told a’ want,
tae go and shag a whore
Cause making love wi’ the Missus,
has jist become a chore
A’ want tae spread ma seed,
intae women, young an’ old
God, just to find yin fresh pussy,
would be like striking gold
A’ would then come hame to ma wife,
an’ tell her aw aboot it
Hoo ma cum ran doon that Granny’s face,
a’ wouldnae mention the freaky shit
Hopefully ma wife would then be inspired,
tae compete wi’ the Hag
Cause a’ve forgotten whit it feels like,
tae hae a carefree shag
Fur back in the auld days,
haein’ sex wi’ her wiz fun
A’ guess that’s why a’ thought,
she wiz the chosen one
But noo she has this way ae deflating,
ma yince fortnightly erection
So a’ noo take care ae it masel,
While a’ starve her ae affection
Fur when a’ am haein’ sex,
a’ dinnae want tae hear aboot oor boy
So noo when she wants a cuddle,
a’ jist hand her her cuntin’ toy
A’ am convinced if she’d agree,
tae let me shag othir burds
Thit oor sex life would improve,
immeasurably beyond words
A’ would get ma appetite back,
fur the sexual act
An’ a’ would appreciate her mare,
an’ that’s a stone cold fact
The only thing that would worry me,
would be, if she demanded the same
An’ started seein’ so many guys,
she’d as well be on the game
Because her chances ae pullin’,
are licht years ahead ae mine
So maybe a’ should cut ma losses,
an’ take ma wife oot tae Dine
Maybe that would pit the romance,
back intae oor relationship
An’ if we want tae ignite some passion,
we kin pit the lichts oot when we strip
We could both try to keep oor gubs shut,
so we dinnae further estrange
An’ aw those auld pent up resentments,
could be released, in a fluid exchange
Fur the grass isnae aye’ways greener,
on the othir side ae the fence
Cause gettin’ divorced fae that bitch,
would be a hell ae a fuckin’ expense
So a’ guess a’ll hae tae remain married,
tae ma consolation wife
An’ a’ll jist fantasise that a’m a Mormon,
as a’ve heard variety is the spice ae life
A’ certainly wouldnae go the whole hog,
an’ get a collection ae real, flesh and blood wives
Fur that would be sure tae bring me oot,
in a permanent rash ae hives
Cause it’s hard enough tae deal wi’ yin wife,
beggin’ fur a lay
Afore a’ drink tae many beers, an’ cannae get it up,
And yince again ruin, her fuckin’ Happy Valentine’s Day
Cheers the noo!
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