(This wiz written durin’ the 2006 Fitba’ World Cup).
A’ve been wondering hoo honest a’ should be in this blog and a’ve decided tae go aw the way. A’ll hauld nothing back. A’ am jist an empty vessel anyway and a’ll be returned tae the earth yin day so while alive a’ commit tae sharing masel wholly so that a’ve done ma best ta help humanity evolve. (High ideals eh? Or jist a big ego?) So ma confession is that a’ hiv seen a pussy fairly recently that wasnae the wife’s, it cost me 150 quid and it wiz great.
A’ dinnae like postin’ on forums much as a’ find the conversations too lovely dovey but on the Julian Cope forum they were having a discussion aboot prostitutes and they were all banging on about hoo bad they are, degrading women etc, so I posted this:
A’ve been tae a prostitute recently, had a great time, she wiz gorgeous, a’ wiz dynamite and she loved it. Thoroughly recommend it. Personally, a’ ‘hink they are as deserving ae ma bobby as any hot sexy bird oot there whae likes me tae pay them in other ways, like by taking them oot fur dinner etc. A pussy is a pussy at the end of the day. Fuck it man, when in Amsterdam dae as the Romans, most STD’s are perfectly curable these days.
They jist ignored me and continued slating the women and the men whae go tae them.. A’ hate the hypocrisy ae people. A’ bet ye at least some ae them or other folk on the forum whae post regularly hiv been tae a prostitute or paid fur sex somehow but did yin ae them admit it? Oh no, lets jist take the moral high stance and pretend ‘a’m alright Jack’.
Jist fur the record, up until that time a’ had nae desire tae visit a prostitute…..ever. When a’ wiz in Amsterdam a few years ago, some ae ma mates went fur a visit and a’ couldnae believe it!! But that particular night recently, a’ really needed tae empty ma balls up some sexy bird. Seeing as hoo a’ dinnae ken hoo tae chat women up, either that or a’m an ugly bastard, so a’ had tae visit a lady ae the nicht. Fortunately a’ met a really nice yin and had a ball.
A’ cannae say a’ll be going back in a hurry and a’ hope a’ didnae catch anythin’ but a’ll tell ye this, it certainly lightened ma load, especially aftir livin’ with ma mother in law fur 3 months, whae a’ cannae even speak the same fucking language as!! A’ wiz walkin’ on air aw the way back tae ma hotel room. So a’ came tae the conclusion that prostitutes are aricht, a’ mean somebody has tae shag the ugly folk otherwise there would be social chaos. Think whit Deadwood would hae been like withoot the whores!!!
And a’ ken this next point might hit a nerve wi’ a lot ae women, but a’m sure a lot ae them get married tae ugly guys whae jist happen tae hae a good job. A’m no’ sayin’ they are prostitutes but his well paid job certainly improves his prospects ae getting some pussy on a regular basis and there is fuck aw wrong wi’ that. A’m sure it works the other way too. Ma wife wiz a student when a’ met her and nae doobt her potential ae havin’ a guid job was part of the reason a’ fell in love with her. So there. A’m a prostitute tae. Hooever, noo as a’ve given up working in a real job, if I can’t make money fae this site, we’ll both be going doon the docks pretty soon.
George Carlin made a guid point yince, ‘ye can buy anything on this fucking planet and the yin ‘hing that we kin give fur free aw the time, ie SEX, yer no’ allowed tae sell!!!’ As a’ said, a’ hate hypocrisy.
Speaking ae hypocrisy and the Julian Cope forum. (My god, is ma life so dull a’ hae tae post on ma blog whit a’ wrote on an internet forums?) After Ronaldo ‘supposedly’ gettin’ Rooney sent aff (never mind the fact Rooney shoved his studs in the guys balls) the guys on the forum aw encouraged each other tae vote fur any other player than Ronaldo fur the young player of the tournament (apparently there wiz a petition on the internet and they joined in with it).
Then aftir the game Portugal got knocked oot, yin ae them said ‘Well, he certainly cheated tonicht as well’. Excuse me, but wiz Ronaldo the first player ever tae point oot tae a referee that the opposing team has hurt yin ae his team mates? A’ dinnae ‘hink so. This whole world cup has pit me aff fitba tae be honest. A’ ‘hink it’s been shite. The final wiz tonicht and a’m glad its ower. Fuck the World Cup. They are aw a bunch ae cheating play acting mummies boys if ye ask me and the whistle happy refs dinnae help much. Anyway, a’ had tae reply tae that ‘cheating’ comment so a’ posted….
Yeah, like England never cheated when they claimed the ba’ crossed the line against Germany in ’66. The whole fucking team claimed it wiz ower the line, went running across tae the Russian linesman and jumped for joy when they’re cheating hounding tactics worked, yipee, we’ve WON the world cup, thanks very much.
Or did ye forget about that? (That is obviously a rhetorical question)
Well, that pit an end to that little thread.
By the way, fur the record, yes a’ wanted England tae get beat. Why, because a’m racist? No, it’s because its fucking hilarious watching them lose, that’s why. Fuckin’ cry babies. Boo Hoo, Fitba’s no’ coming home (again). A’ mean, the arrogance. And no, a’ dinnae really gie a shit if Scotland ever win another match ever either. The whole thing bores me tae fucking tears.
A’ hate aw this dividing ae so called nations durin’ the World Cup anyway. A’ REALLY hate national anthems as well. They are outdated and should be left in the past and forgotten aboot. Whit does it mean tae be the best at kicking a ball aroond a field anyway, when there are still starving people in this world? WHERE are oor priorities people. WHERE? In saying that, a’m sure the German economy was boosted and a lot ae companies, especially UEFA, made a fair bit ae profit fae the world cup, so it’s no’ aw bad.
Maybe it’s the players whae are the biggest prostitutes in the world (after aw are they no’ sellin’ their bodies) and UEFA are the pimps.
A’ wonder hoo many people, this post pissed aff? Probably none as nae cunt reads it. Oh well, no’ tae worry then.
‘When yiv got nu’hin, yiv got nu’hin tae lose.’ Bob Dylan
Maybe England should take those words tae heart also, then ye could maybe play with more attacking flair and put twa men up front, OOooo….either that or jist get yourselves a decent manager instead ae Steve MacLaran, hee, hee). Mind ye ,ye’ll still no’ win a major tournement….ever again. Face it and move on is ma advice and join wi’ us and sing the new Scottish national anthem…
“We’re shite and we ken we are, we’re shite…..” It is very liberating, let me tell ye.
Cheers the noo!
Nob
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